Insurgents phone a friend (cut from The Glass House 16/11/05)

Iraqi insurgents are reported to have stolen a British satellite phone and racked up ONE POINT TWO MILLION DOLLARS of calls before it was banned from use. The British Foreign Office acted after noticing discrepancies in the bill. Because ordinarily they would have expected no more than one point one million dollars.

They were also tipped off by the fact that a lot of calls seemed to be made to the Tora Bora Caves.

Another big clue to the missing satellite phone was the fact that a satellite phone was missing.

The insurgent complained, “Yeah, I told Mum that a ninety-three hour call might be expensive, but she just wouldn’t shut up!”

It’s an expensive bill – but you’ve gotta make a lot of calls to orchestrate Doomsday.

Those Iraqi sex lines are pretty pricey…

The foreign office would not confirm that the phone was stolen by insurgents. No, they just like a good chin-wag…

Insurgents have responded. “We just wanted a quick word with Osama – but we’ve been on hold for the last three years…”

Insurgents have responded. “We just wanted to get through to Osama! Bloody Telstra!”

“I’m bored with just bombing Iraq, Iraq, Iraq. With this free phone I’ve at last been able to organise some decent international terrorism!”

The satellite phone was a bit of an embarrassment. But maybe it’s more worrying that they stole the satellite that it came with.

The insurgents have also used British tech to send out 60 million faxes of their arses. And they were all to the White House.

It sounds like a pretty big phone bill. But organising sixty suicide bombings a month ain’t cheap.

Apparently the insurgents have been taking advantage of the free phone to make a few prank calls. (Iraqi voice) “Is Mr Wall there? Is Mrs Wall there? Are there any Walls there? Then we must have blown up your home, infidel scum!”

At least now we know why those Al Jazeera videos look so crappy – bloody phone cameras!