The government is introducing a mandatory Internet filter that critics say will slow the web to a crawl and will result in censorship on a par with that in China, Cuba, Iran and North Korea. Oh, and we’re now going to be called “People’s Democratic Republic of Australia”.
The government is introducing a mandatory Internet filter that critics say will slow the web to a crawl and will result in censorship like that in Cuba, Iran, North Korea and China. See what happens when your PM learns Mandarin?
The restrictions will put us in the same league as China, Cuba, Iran and North Korea. And if we’re lucky, they’ll let us join their Axis of Evil! / Clearly, Rudd just wants to be part of the Axis of Evil. / Rudd really loves their bad-boy “Axis of Evil” image.
They’d better filter my thoughts on the matter. Certainly not suitable for children. / for broadcast.
The filter will block out any sites displaying porn, illegal activities, or footage of people eating their own earwax.
So quick! Download all your porn NOW!
We have to keep our children safe from pornography! And our adults safe from themselves!
But those objecting are just fringe lunatics: a web search I did about the filter revealed absolutely no objections.
It’s all very well to protect our children from pornography, but what will we jack off to?
Communications Minister Stephen Conroy designed the two-tier filtering system – a mandatory and an optional level – in consultation with Family First Senator Steve Fielding. If only there was some way of filtering out Senators Conroy and Fielding.
Google will be barred, replaced by “Gov-gle”, a government sanctioned search engine that only returns pictures of kittens, butterflies and ALP politicians looking electable.
All filter systems have shown some errors. For instance breast cancer sites might be erroneously blocked. If only they could apply such a filter to the cancer itself. / From now on, only wholesome, family-friendly cancers will be allowed.
How the hell are we meant to book plane tickets to Bangkok?
Too bad if you’re trying to order new grease for your stopcock.
Too bad if you’re writing a school report on Crapper’s ballcock.
Too bad if you’re a birdwatcher and want to check that what you saw that day was really a pair of Great Tits.
The new filter’s a death knell to online birdwatchers. No more will they ever be able to swap research on the tit, the cock, the thrush, the boobie, or the white swallow.
Fine, crack down on child pornography. But leave the fistfucking dwarves alone!
Unfortunately, having Rudd determine what is pornography and what is not means that you won’t be able to access anything stronger than an Iced Vovo and a cup of tea.
Really, I’m totally happy for all pornography to be removed from the internet. I kinda liked the olden days where you’d have to sneak into a porn-shop with a fake moustache and a trenchcoat.
It’s just too easy to get porn these days. When I was a teenager, the closest I got to porn was squinting really hard at the bra section in the Target catalogue.
We’re going to be as regulated as China, Cuba, Iran and North Korea. Hopefully we get their death squads too! / And here’s hoping that people broaching the filter will feel the brutal hand of martial justice!
So, the system may not actually work properly, won’t actually prevent any perverts sharing porn on peer-to-peer networks, and will block many sites that are actually innocent – but at least it will make our broadband really really slow.
Of course, you can always protest on one of the many on-line petitions – until the new technology blocks them.
Rudd got the idea when he was drunkenly ogling a young lady’s breasts at a titty bar, and thought “now this is something I should really stop people doing.”
Not only will porn and drug sites be blocked, but something called “liberal.org.au”…
Not only will porn and drug sites be blocked, but also any sites that mention “1984” or “Brave New World”.
Worst of all, it leaves the real perverts unaffected. A man who is aroused by a woman’s breasts is left with nowhere to go, while a man who is aroused by squid or helicopters or merry-go-rounds is given free rein!
The government’s tactic is to claim that anyone who isn’t in favour of censorship is clearly in favour of child pornography. In response, I say that anyone who is in favour of censorship is clearly in favour of keeping the public uninformed, is pro-fascism and thinks we’re all morons who can’t decide for ourselves what is good for us. / is a fascist mind-controller, who must want to keep all the kiddie porn for themselves.
The filter is also used to block out sites that aren’t illegal, but just talk about things Stephen Fielding doesn’t approve of, like euthanasia and anorexia. But can you set it to block out self-important fanatical fascists like Stephen Fielding?
There’s only one thing that I want my internet filter to block out, and that’s right-wing religious nuts telling me what information I can and can’t have access to.
Clearly there’s no point setting up “steve_fielding_is_a_fucking cunt.com”. What a shame. / “steve_fielding_is_a_dickhead.com”. What a shame.
Senator Fielding wants to ban any material that is higher than R. From now on, if you want to see drug use or fetishes, you’re just going to have to go around to his place.
The idea is that the filter will carefully scan every page for questionable material, so that when children are surfing the web they’ll get sick of waiting and go do something else.
Australia’s got the greatest democracy in the world, which is why a man who got less than 2 percent of the vote in our second smallest state can determine what websites we visit.
Senator Fielding wants the mandatory filter to block so-called “illegal material” that’s pro-euthanasia. And here I was thinking that it was only illegal to perform euthanasia, and not in fact to just read about it. I stand corrected. / Looks like I’m the one eating humble pie now.
Senator Fielding wants the mandatory filter to block so-called “illegal material” about anorexia. And if you’re caught buying a book about anorexia, you’ll be electrocuted on sight.
The way the filter works is to slow things down to such a degree that you’ll just shut the computer down and go back to reading your Bible.
ISPs point out that the filters won’t stop porn rings from file sharing, and easily gotten around by using international proxy servers. But that doesn’t mean we can’t waste millions of dollars on it!
The filter system won’t actually stop porn rings from file sharing. But that’s no reason not to arbitrarily clamp down on everything else!
But the only way they’re going to effectively block all fetish sites is to determine everything that turns everyone on! I’d better not let them know about my fetish for Family First Senators…
I’m so opposed to this legislation, I’m thinking of taking up kiddie porn in solidarity!
