The British Army has unveiled a new range of high-tech underwear as part of its new range of desert clothing. “Iraq-daks!” (pron: irak-daks) They prevent infection, reduce chafing and are completely undie-tectable.
The Army unveiled their underpants last Thursday… but after orders from above they pulled their trousers back up.
To help in encounters with suicide bombers, the undies don’t show shit stains.
In the fifty degree plus temperatures of Baghdad, the undies are going to need a regular change. So they’ve made them reversible.
They’re calling the new underwear “smart bums”; it sounded better than “cluster bums”. However, there are now fears that terrorists may develop their own “dirty bums”…
Al Qaeda have struck back with their own line of terrorist underwear: it goes from here (just under eyes) to here (ankles).
Al Qaeda have struck back with their own line of terrorist underwear: it’s trendy and comfortable, with plenty of room for explosives.
The undies are so technologically advanced that they actually wipe your arse for you.
The undies are so technologically advanced that the soldiers don’t need to wear anything else – which has the advantage of fooling the enemy into thinking they’re being attacked by The Chippendales.
“And you should see out socks! They’re bullet-proof, anti-radar, napalm-resistant, and best of all, they fall up, not down! Can you believe it!”
As well as high-tech undies, they’ve developed supersonic socks, GI-strings, and intercontinental ballistic jockstraps.
There’s a line of more feminine undies for women soldiers. “The lacy bits are radiation-proof / mine-proof!”
Like the soldiers’ mums always said: “You should always wear clean underwear – what if you get blown up by a bus?”
These undies really make a difference when you’re a soldier fighting on the Y-front line…
From the same company that designed the AK 36-28-36, the Stealth Bollocks, and the double-bosomed shotgun / the anti-aircraft breast…
“Thank god for these anti-biotic undies,” said one soldier. “My penis really smells.”
