Italy’s highest court has ruled that’s it’s a criminal offence for Italian men to touch their genitals in public. That should be only for the tourists.
Italy’s highest court has ruled that’s it’s a criminal offence for Italian men to touch their genitals in public. The only exception is the publically-appointed Genitalissimo.
And they’ve finally been banned from touching anyone else’s.
From now on, all the genital-touching has to be performed by professionals.
So if you legitimately have to adjust your trousers, either find a private spot or get someone else to do it for you. Though that could be a whole different offence.
Men have said the new law is bollocks.
So now, when you meet a man in Italy, you know for certain that he has sweaty, sticky balls.
Italian men believe grabbing their genitals wards off bad luck. In fact the first man arrested continued grabbing his genitals desperately, hoping his luck would change. Which was a bad look in the witness stand.
It obviously doesn’t work – the guy still got arrested.
It’s said to be good luck to squeeze your genitals and even better luck if you cum.
But a man touching his genitals is a traditional way of warding off the evil eye. It doesn’t want to see that. / It doesn’t want to see that shit.
Traditionally, it’s good luck to touch your genitals. And bad luck to touch someone else’s.
The men claim that, not only is it good luck to touch your genitals, it also feels good.
If women want to ward off bad luck, they require a pap smear. / medical intervention.
As well as being good luck if they grab their groins, it’s bad luck if their path is crossed by a black pussy. / if their groins are crossed by a black pussy.
The men claim that, not only is it good luck to touch your genitals, but that they only want to grope women’s breasts to ward off evil spirits.
The tradition is somewhat sexist. In fact if women want to ward of bad luck, they need to get a man to squeeze their tits.
Of course, women can’t scratch their testes. If Italian women want to ward of bad luck, they need to fanny-fart.
The men also claim the good luck can rub off on others.
Italian men traditionally give their gonads a good squeeze to ward off ill luck. Or to get a wish granted. Any excuse, really.
And traditionally if your balls get kicked it means you’re out of luck.
Touching your groin is meant to signify good luck. Really good luck if it’s someone else touching.
As part of a crackdown on superstition, the court has also banned crossing your fingers, making the sign of the cross, and lucky dips.
The Italian men call their good-luck groins their “attributi”, which of course led to the popularity of the Destiny’s Child song “Attribootilicious”.
Women, who lack “attributi”, simply wear a lucky rabbit’s-scrotum.
The same court is also banning arse-scratches and builder’s cleavage, and it’s now 20 years to life for camel-toe.
It’s the Italian equivalent of crossing your fingers, with the added bonus of sexual gratification!
Fortunately it’s still legal to touch your groin in Australia, otherwise the entire fast bowling attack would be up for repeat offenses.
Anyone who’s eaten Italian knows – they’re obsessed with their noodles.
Public displays of genitals will be restricted to Michelangelo’s David.
