A Chinese man held up traffic for five hours threatening to commit suicide, when a man broke through a police cordon, shook the suicidal man’s hand, and pushed him off the bridge. It was the first ever attempt at assisted suicide by bridge.
Lai Jiansheng pushed Chen Fuchao off the bridge into a partly-filled emergency air cushion. But if he sees him there again, he’ll definitely aim for the bitumen.
Never before has attempted suicide been so hilarious!
Frankly, if you still haven’t killed yourself after 5 hours, you DESERVE it.
Of course, no doubt the man was in deep emotional pain, but after five hours waiting, so was everyone else.
5 hours to jump off a bridge! What, was he jumping one body part at a time?
Sure, he may have had emotional problems yada yada – but he was holding people up!
The man was leaping to his death because he was in debt to the tune of 375 000 dollars. Of course, now that he survived the fall, he’s got added hospital bills to pay! Just a word of advice – next time, jump in front of a train. / do it properly.
The man was 375 000 dollars in debt because of a failed building project. He manufactured elevators that took 5 hours to reach the ground floor.
It’s not the first time that Mr Lai has taken matters into his own hands. Just last year, he offered a pill-popper a glass of water, helped a wrist-slasher find decent razor blades, and picked the perfect time to borrow a noosed man’s chair.
Mr Lai says that, back when he was a soldier, he always saw his job as just helping the enemy end it all.
Mr Lai was shocked. He had no idea the man wanted to commit suicide. (He just likes pushing people off bridges.)
He had originally intended suicide, but holding up traffic gave his life fresh purpose. / but infuriating drivers for hours gave him a whole new direction in life.
It wasn’t so much a push as a karate chop to the back of the head. You know, that old Chinese favourite: chop sui-cide. / So really, it was chop sui-cide.
Chen called out “Stop! Or I’ll jump!” But Lai replied “Jump! Or I’ll push!”
Lai was sick of waiting for Chen after five hours. Surely it was his turn by now.
Lai was just trying to put the drivers out of their misery.
As Chen plummeted, Lai saluted the crowd. Another successful mission for PushingPestsOffBridgesMan!
As Chen plummeted to his potential death, ex-soldier Lai saluted the crowd. And who says military service dehumanises people?
Chen was taken to hospital with wrist and back injuries, while Lai was arrested. Drivers are furious – who’s going to push the bastard off next time?
Of course, in China, with a population of 1,330 MILLION people, a suicide is an extra parking space, an extra hospital bed, and an extra helping of fried beef dumplings. Yum!
Of course, if he was serious about killing himself he’d just dress as a Tibetan monk.
Chinese suicide is normally associated with helping young people who are terminally ill end their own lives. They call it “youth-in-Asia”.
The young Chinese man was trying to end his own suffering. So really, it was youth-in-Asia.
This is the 12th time someone has tried to kill themselves on that bridge in the last MONTH. Not only did they really hold traffic up at the time, but now the road has 12 new speed humps.
