Horny male funnel-web spiders are on the prowl, looking for women, and turning up in odd places. One 94-year-old got bitten by a funnel-web in her slipper – he was just trying on some sexy new sleepwear.
One 94-year-old woman got bitten by a horny funnel-web in her slipper – he’d promised his girlfriend he was going to slip into something more comfortable.
After being bitten on the toe, the 94 year old pulled the spider out, thinking it was a button. One of those new-fangled bitey buttons.
After being bitten on the toe, the 94 year old pulled the spider out, thinking it was a button. One of those new-fangled buttons that injects you with deadly venom.
After being bitten on the toe, the 94 year old pulled the spider out, thinking it was a button, and was bitten on her finger. Then was rushed to hospital to treat the funnel-web bites, only to find that it actually was a button – she was just having one of her little turns.
After the second bite she was pretty sure that if it was a button, she wasn’t putting it back on her shawl.
94-year-old great-grandmother Mavis Tanner is thought to be the oldest survivor of a funnel-web bite. Though it’s possible that there were some older survivors who just thought they’d taken a little turn.
The spider was in the slipper trying to find a mate. And if you’d seen the old dear’s slippers you can understand why he thought it might be a funnel-web. Very wispy.
Funnel-web spiders have this reputation for being the world’s most brutal, aggressive, deadly creature, but they’re just lovelorn. / lovestruck. / young and in love.
Horny funnel-web spiders on the prowl like to hang out in shoes, gloves or washing baskets. They’ve just had no luck with web-based relationships.
The funnel-web would try a simple web relationship – but he’s been bitten before.
Ow. That’s a nasty love-bite.
Funnel-webs offer one of the only love-bites that fester.
You can tell when a male spider is on the prowl: they gel up their little hairs and wear aftershave.
Deadly male spiders go on the prowl, looking for their own little femme fatale.
She’s the oldest person to have survived a funnel-web bite, despite being bitten twice. Mind you, at 94 the circulatory system may have slowed down a tad.
She’s the oldest person to have survived a funnel-web bite, despite being bitten twice. But that’s only because at 94 she’s mostly dead already.
The spider said the old lady was asking for it, wearing that hot shawl and that body-hugging nightie.
Arachnid looking for love. GSOH and fatal bite. Loves holding hands, holding hands, holding hands and holding hands. No timewasters or insects need apply.
Male arachnid, seeking female for good times and occasional mating. GSOH and fatal bite. Loves fine dining, the movies of Woody Allen, and aggressive envenoming of humans.
Like all males, the funnel-web just wants someone to spawn with, and will keep biting stuff till he finds one.
And you should see the positions you can get into with eight-legs and a segmented body! Wooooeee!
They’re looking for whatever they can get, whether it’s a breeding-partner, or just a little slap and envenom. / a little mandible action.
Many of the spiders are actually planning to get married. They love nothing more than a big old-fashioned white webbing.
Funnel-webs are some of the most aggressive and deadly spiders in the world, but fair enough – they’re sexually repressed. / hanging for a root.
You want to be careful with those horny funnel-webs. It can be a fatal attraction. (Sure, they don’t boil bunnies but they do envenom them.)
The spider was sent to the nearby Australian Reptile Park for identification, as the Arachnid Park was closed. / and not as food at all, oh no.
Horny male funnel-webs end up in shoes, gloves, washing baskets… they sure know where to find a woman.
These days if spiders are looking for love, surely they can just hang out on the web.
They’re just after a little Funnel Lovin’.
Apparently male spiders also have to use Dutch courage before they go out on the prowl. They eat honey bees that have fermented.
Before they go out on the prowl, male spiders go down to the arachnid pub and sink a few nice cold bees.
Funnel Lovin’, had me a blast
Funnel Lovin’, happened so fast
Bit a girl, crazy for me
Then turned out she was past 93
Funnel days, screaming in pain
But uh-oh those funnel bites.
