The Australian Family Association have called for the withdrawal of a range of baby clothing featuring slogans such as “I’m a tits man”, “Wipe my butt, sucker” and “The condom broke”. The manufacturers have responded with a range of kids’ clothes saying “The Australian Family Association suck cock”.
But the manufacturers say that they are just responding to an existing demand. Everyone knows kids like nothing more than a rude joke.
Of course if toddlers aren’t able to buy their preferred slogans. No-one knows how to spell “PPPPPPPTH!” (raspberry)
Of course, if toddlers had their say, all the slogans would just be “NO”.
Manufacturers Cotton On say they are not going to withdraw the garments with slogans, though they have agreed to throw in a free adult T-shirt with the slogan “I’m a negligent monster”.
The Australian Family Association are offering alternative T-shirts, featuring slogans such as “Children should not be sexualised”, “I offend no-one”, and “My parents are humourless prudes”. / “I’m with Wowser”. / “My other shirt is also humourless”.
Not only are the groups offended by the slogans on the tee-shirts, but by sex in general, and they can’t wait until we’re all reproducing with test-tubes.
Not only are the slogans offensive, but the t-shirts themselves. What’s wrong with wearing full-length brown hessian sacks and headbags?
Some family groups have been outraged by the cheeky shirts. Especially the one that says “family groups can kiss my arse”.
Some family groups have been outraged by the cheeky shirts. But then again, some groups are outraged by breast-feeding too.
Some of the shirts mention the act of sex, while some refer to breasts – all of which are actually essential to the process of having children. But don’t tell the lobby groups that – they still think the stork drops the little bubbies off at the cabbage patch.
Inspired by the controversy, the company is now releasing a new design that says “shut up and mind your own business”.
Other slogans they disapprove of include “Jailbait”, “Bill Henson Reject”, and “I Was Fondled By The King Of Pop And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt”.
However, angry lobby groups are insisting the shirts are still preferable to little leather gimp masks.
In fact, the only shirts the lobby groups approve of are the ones that read “I Am Certainly Not The Result Of My Parents Having Sex, In Fact, The Whole Concept Of Sexual Intercourse Is Just Evil Propaganda Spread By SATAN”.
Of course a toddler isn’t going to be traumatised by the shirts. That only happens years later when they see the photos.
Family groups have claimed that the slogans can traumatise children, though their actual purpose is to traumatise family groups.
A T-shirt saying “I’m a tits man” IS offensive, particularly to parents who can’t breastfeed. It’s really hard to get the one saying “I hit the bottle”.
One contentious T-shirt says “The condom broke”. But frankly, if you can’t express that your child is unwanted and unloved on a humourous T-shirt, how can you express it? / But what better way is there to express that your child is unwanted?
One contentious T-shirt says “The condom broke”. Which can happen when you try to dress your child in one.
But the kids’ clothes that really offend the family groups are the ones saying “I found that Chaser sketch funny”, “Bill Henson is a world-class artist”, or “It’s a free country”.
Family groups say the offending T-shirts should be torn from the shelves and replace them with some decent cross-promotional marketing.
But to be fair, some of the shirts do go too far. It’s just inappropriate to have a kiddie wearing a shirt that says “FAILED ABORTION”. (That’s not funny or clever, is it. It’s just plain offensive.)
