North Korea is making its first documentary about their Dear Leader, Kim Jong-il. The documentary is going to be called “Kim Jong-il, Superstar”, and will chronicle the leader’s life as he fed the hungry, preached sermons from the mount, and walked on water to save the princess from the fire-breathing dragon.
It’ll be one part memoir, one part Rambo, and one part Boogie Nights.
It seems the Dear Leader may be on the way out. But is it just old age, or is Kim Jong ill?
The filmmakers say the documentary will be entirely unbiased. After all, why would they want to live?
The filmmakers say that from the moment Jong-il’s birth is foretold by a swallow and heralded by the appearance of a double rainbow over the mountain and a new star in the heavens, the documentary will be 100% factual.
The film is expected to be a no-holds-barred look at leader Kim’s life, from his glorious and celebrated birth, through his flawless stint as leader, right up to his much-loved slaughter of the meddling documentary makers.
But the film-makers deny that their retrospective means Kim Jong-il is getting on, and insist it is merely a documentary covering his first century.
To satisfy Kim’s ego, he will be played in re-enactments by Justin Timberlake. He’s bringing sexy back!
The film will be watched closely for clues as to who may succeed Kim Jong-il. Clues such as which of his sons are actually acknowledged.
The film is expected to be called “The Extraordinary Life and Times of the Noble and Wise Dear Leader Comrade Supreme Commander, National Father of the Mighty Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Most Glorious Empire of the Global Entirety”, and will consist primarily of the opening credits.
Due to fabulous advances in North Korean technology, the film will not only glorify Kim, but actually suck his cock. / but actually deify him.
Kim is hoping to tackle another great Western imperialist construct head-on, by building his very own Hollywood, with just one restriction – all movies must be about him.
The documentary reveals a few little-known facts about the illustrious leader. It turns out that, not only does he hit 4 or 5 holes-in-one every time he plays golf, but he is the world’s fastest runner, the strongest man on the planet, the winner of North Korean Masterchef, and has a penis the size of Japan.
The documentary reveals a few little-known facts about the illustrious leader. It turns out that, not only is Jong-il the world’s 3rd smartest man, but he designed the Rubik’s Cube, invented the iPod, and was first man on the moon!
Particularly exciting is the scene where he conquers America using only his teeth!
Up until now, followers of Kim have had to content themselves with watching “Team America”. So very ronery.
Up until now, keen followers of Jong-il have had to make do with posters, portraits, sculptures, paintings, billboards, speeches, awards-ceremonies, movies, and music. This documentary will really help fill the gap!
It’s great news for the North Korean people. He may even let them have a television.
