A former Beverly Hills plastic surgeon is in trouble for fuelling his car with fat sucked from his patients. Or as he calls them, “bowsers”.
A former Beverly Hills plastic surgeon is in trouble for fuelling his car with fat sucked from his patients. The strangest thing about the case is that he is actually a podiatrist.
Finally America has the perfect solution to its fuel problems!
They shouldn’t be locking this man up – they should be awarding him the Nobel Peace Prize for singlehandedly discovering the cure to obesity AND climate change!
This may be the solution to all the world’s problems. Not only does it help with obesity and climate change, but the poor starving polar bears can eat the leftovers!
The doctor would suck the fat out of his patients and use it to fuel his car. Unfortunately, most of his patients just went in for a runny nose. / for a checkup.
He’s now stopped using the fat to run his car. It now runs on unlarded.
He called the fuel “lipo-diesel”, but it was originally called “fatrol”. / “fatsoline”.
He imagines a beautiful future utopia where you can just pull up to a fat person and ask them to fill ‘er up.
And the lumps act like little nitro burners.
The vast majority of patients request that he uses their fat for fuel, with only a minority asking if they can eat it.
What a great idea! America has enough excess fat to power an army of Hummers!
If only we could automate the process. You could use the fat from your drive-thru meal to power your journey there.
Sure, from time to time he took a little more fat than he should have. But he always gave them an extra Maccas voucher to make up for it.
It didn’t work that well, it just gave his car an insatiable appetite. / it just made the car harder to shop for clothes in.
Of course he eventually had to give his car liposuction.
Police were alerted by his car which was unusually obese and flabby.
Police arrested him when they noticed his car was carrying a couple of spare tyres.
The fat fuel actually ran really well with the car’s internal combustion heart.
He removed more fat than necessary, although to be fair some of the operations were quite a way from town.
The man was caught after several of his patients complained of having too much fat removed. One woman is now just a shin with fingernails.
He says the patients were pleased to be helping save the planet with their excess fat. Some of them put it right back on just to help a bit more. / It helped justify their rapacious gluttony.
He hit on the idea after many years unsuccessfully trying to get a car to run on mucous and urine samples. / on pap smears.
Before he got into liposuction, he was a plastic surgeon, and spent years trying to run his car on excess nose. / on old noses. / on eyebrows and chins. / on excess neckflaps.
Before he got into liposuction, he was a cosmetic surgeon, and spent years trying to run his car on leftover breasts.
Three patients are claiming that the doctor’s unlicensed assistant and girlfriend removed more fat than necessary and left them disfigured. But their arms did look like they’d make great tyre-jacks.
Dr Bittner says he’s giving up running cars on lipo-diesel and will now run entirely on LPG: lardy pudgy guts.
Californian state law forbids the use of human medical waste to power vehicles. They’ve clearly had this problem before.
Californian law has forbidden the use of human medical waste to power vehicles ever since that 1920s tonsil-powered train scandal.
