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Good News Week

Man and Crocodile are Friends (GNW 31/8/09: Strange But True)

In Costa Rica, a man has nursed a crocodile back to health swimming, playing and even sleeping beside the 5-metre-long reptile. It’s either a remarkable story of cross-species bonding, or a complete crock.

The pair became friends when Chito rescued the crocodile after finding him close to death with a bullet in his eye. Now, if anything would’ve been likely to turn him off humans, you’d think it’s being shot by one. He may not be friendly – just a bit dim.

Turns out he’s not actually a friendly croc at all – he’s just been shot in the head. / lobotomized with a bullet.

The pair became friends when Chito rescued the crocodile after finding him close to death with a bullet in his eye. The croc’s hoping that by befriending a human, he’ll eventually be introduced to the bastard who shot him. Then we’ll see his true colours.

They met when Chito rescued the croc from a gunshot wound. Pocho’s hoping Chito will teach him a few human skills, then – he’s going hunting.

The croc is a real friend, sharing his innermost feelings, hopes, and desires with the man. Although, granted, most of them are about drowning and eating ungulates.

They have so much in common! There’s eating, swimming… oh, that’s about it.

And the two will remain best mates as long as he makes sure he’s not delicious.

He calls the croc “Pocho”. And the croc calls him “Longpig”. / “Slowly Ripening”.

They’re a real odd couple – one of them likes to drown his prey by gripping them with his jaws and rolling about under water, while the crocodile prefers the drive-thru at Hungry Jacks.

And having a crocodile as a best friend is a great way to encourage other people to become your friends. Or else.

They only ever argue when it comes to who should eat the last turtle egg. / wildebeest.

It’s all great while everyone’s happy, but Chito should be careful if Pocho wants to spill his guts – he’s likely to do it literally.

You might think he’s scary, but he’s actually a kind, gentle croc who loves puppies and kittens. Although, granted, that is for breakfast. / Yum.

He would call himself “Crocodile José”, except that then people might associate him with that old Australian guy.

Crocs would actually get along well with humans, if only we’d stop being so damn tasty.

Chito says that having a crocodile around means he never has to worry about being attacked by tiny kittens. Those things totally freak him out.

You’d think getting a bullet in your eye would be very painful, but apparently he was only crying crocodile tears.

For six months, Chito fed his crocodile friend chicken, fish and medicine and gave him plenty of tender loving care. Tender, juicy, delicious manflesh loving care.

The crocodile may be Pocho, but I think Chito’s loco.

And you should meet his buddy Sharky. He’s a real softie!

Someone told him that it was actually an alligator, but Chito thinks that’s a croc.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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