A Scottish artificial intelligence expert believes that by the middle of the century humans will be having sex with or even marrying robots. If they’ll have us.
Being married to a robot wouldn’t be so bad. Unless they were set to “destroy”.
Robot spouses have many advantages: they never talk back, they never leave the toilet seat in the wrong position, and they come with a full set of vibrating attachments.
A Scottish artificial intelligence expert believes that by the middle of the century humans will be having sex with or even marrying robots. Brendan Nelson’s wife is way ahead of her time. / is just getting practise.
Marriage with robots has certain advantages. They’re obedient, they do all the housework, and when they get dirty, you can just hose ‘em down.
But of course once robots can get married, they can logically marry each other. And with a 92% compatibility rating!
Of course, if you cheat on one, it tears your puny human form apart. / it destroys you with its laser eyes.
It’d be just like any other marriage, but with more death-rays.
It’d be just like any other marriage: holding hands, walking along the beach, riding around on its back as it crushes the weak and puny humans.
Of course, marrying a robot has a whole different set of complications. They may not come home pissed, but they do occasionally have a big night on the turps.
It’s a wonderful way to build a family. Literally, build a family.
Unfortunately if you try to divorce a robot you tend to get destroyed.
They’re annoying partners to drive with: they keep shouting out “Danger! Danger!” and flailing their arms about.
Robot spouses also take care of all their own birth-control.
Of course, have sex with them enough times, and you jam up their gears. / and you clog up their machinery.
Unfortunately, if they sleep in the wet spot, they rust.
It’s a beautiful utopian future, where everyone can sit down at the dinner table with a loving spouse and chat over a delicious meal of nuts and sump oil. / bolts and sump oil.
It’s a beautiful utopian future, where everyone can sit down at the dinner table with a loving spouse and chat about fast fourier transforms and the price of sump.
Some experts believe artificial intelligence could overtake human intelligence in the next 20 years, meaning that a robot spouse will not only be desirable, but necessary if you want to understand dinner party conversation.
“Do you take this robot?” “AFFIRMATIVE.”
Of course, different robots have different personalities. Some have a huge chip on their shoulder, but most of them have their chips on the inside. / though most have it on their motherboard.
The only disadvantage of a robot spouse is their tendency to disrupt moments of intimacy by asking, “What is ‘love’?”
Unfortunately you can’t have romantic spas together for fear of rust.
And with a human spouse you don’t get the choice of metal or plastic.
A robot spouse won’t just put out the bins, they’ll BE the bin. / they’ll recycle it themselves.
But think about it, a robot’s never going to want to marry a human! To robot eyes, we’re flabby pink jellybags filled with liquid – that leak when you squeeze them too hard. / that leak when you break them.
Robot spouses have many advantages: they never talk back, they never leave the toilet seat in the wrong position, and when you accidentally snap their head off in a bondage session, you can just get them repaired. Then I wouldn’t have to keep skipping town. It’s such a lonely life.
Though don’t cheat on your robot spouse, or it could go into meltdown and we’ll have another Chernobyl.
Not only is marrying a robot kinda fun, it’s essential for repelling the killer child-kickboxer army hordes of the future.
So in the future, we’ll marry robots – or be exterminated.
