Milan is trialling laws banning drinking by under-16s, now that a third of 11-year-olds in the city have alcohol-related problems. Ah, Milan, home of fashion, design, and teeny-weeny pisspots.
In Milan, one third of all 11-year-olds have drinking problems. 65% are also hooked on caffe lattes, 73% have problems with garlic and tomatoes, while 59% are addicted to wide lapels, gold necklaces, and chest hair.
The problem is that in Italy, even the 11 year olds have big curly moustaches. Especially the boys.
So now, no Milanese child is allowed wine at all, under any circumstances whatsoever, unless it’s at Mass, Confirmation, Baptism, or if it’s after midday.
Current under-age drinking laws are loosely enforced, as many Italian families have a long tradition of being pissed.
National laws banning the sale of alcohol to under-16s are only loosely enforced. So rather than enforce them properly, they thought they’d pass some new laws. Keeps everyone busy.
The spate of 11-year-old drunks wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t drive so badly.
But if they want to discourage under-age drinking, why fine those breaking the law? Surely they could just double their alcopop tax.
One-third of Milanese 11-year-olds have an alcohol problem. Though most of them dry out by 13.
But the simple fact is, the kiddies need to drink alcohol to counter-balance the effects of all those short blacks. / cappuccinos.
It’s not as bad as it sounds. Rehab centres make for excellent child care. / Rehab centres get their students some of the top exam results.
Well, it sure beats collecting pokemon.
No wonder Milan is the world’s fashion capital. It’s the world’s adolescent brain damage capital!
As Milan is the world’s fashion capital, children are not only being discouraged from consuming alcohol, but consuming anything at all.
However, as Milan is the world’s capital of fashion, the kiddies will be allowed to snort coke, pop Es, and have sex in the back of limos.
However, as Milan is the world’s capital of fashion, the kiddies still won’t be required to wear underwear.
It’s good for the kids. They find that, once they get off the booze, their exam scores go way up, and their “passing out in a pool of vomit” episodes go way down. / and instances of classroom vomiting go way down.
One in three 11-year-olds in Milan have alcohol-related problems, some so severe that they’re already able to design their own high-fashion range.
So everyone in Milan is permanently pissed! This explains the state of modern fashion.
Even if you’re not yet 12, at least you can have a 12-step-program.
Kids in Milan don’t play spin the bottle – they’re too busy skolling from it.
Milan has banned the sale of alcohol to children. It now has to be given away for free.
Italian children were traditionally given wine to drink in preference to water, which was often polluted. So to help reverse the trend, they’re going to piss in the wine. / take a dump in the wine.
Parents of Milan children under 16 caught drinking will now be fined. Unfortunately this is just further encouragement.
For the kids of Milan, looks like it’s back to shooting up garlic.
Turns out all that gesticulating isn’t just Mediterranean enthusiasm – they’re just pissed as skunks.
