On-the-spot fines are now being issued to help stop a wave of Germans hiking naked in Switzerland. But then the Swiss Alps are notoriously balmy.
It can get a bit cold in the Swiss Alps. So all the men hikers just claim shrinkage.
And the women say the extreme cold keeps them perky.
It was either hike naked, or wear lederhosen. I think we all know which is more natural and normal. / which one we’d choose.
But you don’t really want to round a bend and suddenly be confronted with a German’s flugelhorn. / Bratwurst.
Well have you seen the price of hiking gear?
But sometimes you just get an urge to hike, straight out of the shower. What are you going to do?
It’s just blatant expeditionism.
They’re either naturists or futurists, already preparing for the post-apocalyptic future where there are no clothes – nothing left but rucksacks and hiking boots.
Why can’t it be South Americans or Japanese or Brazilians who want to romp around naked? Why is it always GERMANS???
The Swiss would slap them with a fine, but they’d enjoy it too much. So they just calmly hand it over.
But it’s really not a big deal, surely. It’s not like they’re shitting into each others mouths or masturbating pigs. The Germans are decent enough to confine that to their tents.
The hikers claim they don’t do it for any sort of weird sexual thrill. They save that for when they’re mountain.
Of course, it makes it easy to tell the males from the females. The males have hairy rucksacks.
At least they’re carrying rucksacks, or as they’re sometimes called, scrotums.
The hikers claim it’s just a natural, normal thing. After all, the mountain goats are naked! Ja! Just a little German joke.
They face on-the-spot fines – and totally naked, there’s plenty of spots to choose from.
They’re facing on-the-spot fines, which will be placed right on the spot.
Naked hiking is very popular with visiting Germans, or as they’re more concisely known, vermin.
The nude German blokes are just hoping they bump into one of those yodelling goatherds called Heidi.
It’s not a new thing – in fact it was nude German hikers that first invented yodelling, when they slipped and landed groin-first onto a mountain goat.
It’s not a new thing – in fact it was nude German hikers in ancient days that slipped and landed groin-first onto a mountain goat, and invented yodelling.
The Germans say it’s the best way to see the snow-capped peaks. Sure beats wrestling with a bra-strap, anyway.
To retaliate, Swiss hikers have been sent in to climb German mountains fully-clothed.
Those Germans just love getting back to nature. No matter how pale, pasty or shrivelled it may be.
Fortunately for the nudists, the Swiss alps are well equipped with fig trees.
Not only are they bare, but they shit in the woods.
Hate to tell you, but that’s not a rucksack.
They just love to frolic naked through the mountains, pretending they’re mountain goats. Because they just love mountain goats.
Of course they’re not completely nude – they wear socks and hiking boots. But they insist it’s only important to be nude on the rude bits.
They’re just pure naturists, living as God intended. Apart from the rucksacks and hiking boots.
They’re just pure naturists, living as God intended. They argue that Adam and Eve were wearing boots and carrying scroggin.
The nudists refused to put on underwear, saying that it defies the whole point. Which is forcing people to look at their genitalia.
It’s okay though – the Germans protect themselves from the cold with plenty of lager, and blubber.
The Swiss think it is disgusting, and are now also insisting that pants and shirts are distributed to all wildlife in the area. / that the mountain goats all wear pants. / all the birds of the forests wear little lederhosen.
It all began due to a misunderstanding of the word “scroggin”.
Some Germans like to to travel nude as it allows them to trot up the mountain at a decent speed, cut down a few trees, and then get into some heavy petting or even S&M. But they always make sure they take their joggin’ loggin’ snoggin’ floggin’ scroggin.
The German backpackers have explained that they only do it on special occasions, like when they get a brand new strudel. They just love to view new strudel nude. Dude. / Unless they’ve been misconstrued.
Is there anything the Germans don’t want to perform naked?
And don’t ask to see their compass.
They hike completely naked – or as it’s known in German, “schtarkers”.
The men hike up the mountain, while the women hike up their skirts.
They hikers are really just hoping for a Swiss roll.
They’re just pure naturists, living as God intended. But surely if God had meant people to go down mountains naked, we would’ve been born with skis. And covered in fur.
