Nationals MP Shane Knuth wants to devote a day to ridding Queensland of the dreaded cane toad, called the Toad Day Out. Of course if it’s anything like the Big Day Out, attendees would be less likely to kill toads and more likely to lick them.
Surely the best way to rid ourselves of cane toads is just to introduce a pack of cane toad tigers.
Just like the Big Day Out, Toad Day Out could be held annually. And then when we’re out of cane toads, we can just bring them in from overseas.
One species heartily in favour of the proposal is the cane beetle.
But surely we don’t want to wipe out all the cane toads – or those dreaded cane beetles will be back!
How ironic, a diatribe about culling introduced species coming from a white Australian… though probably not as ironic as this diatribe about white Australians coming from one.
Introduced species that take over the countryside should be culled. Maybe we should start with Europeans.
Knuth described the cane toad as “probably the most disgusting creature known to man”. Robert Mugabe a close second. / And he’s been at National Party conventions. / Outside of National Party conventions. / And he remembers Sir Joh.
Knuth described the cane toad as “probably the most disgusting creature known to man”. Although, he’s not that flash himself.
It’s time we wiped out these pests. They breed like crazy, they destroy other creatures wherever they live, they’re responsible for catastrophic climate change… and they introduced the cane toad!
Knuth described the cane toad as “probably the most disgusting creature known to man”. Of course, he meant “the most disgusting creature other than man”.
Knuth says children should be involved. They should learn that other animals are fun to kill. / are ours to do with what we please. / They’re just much more sadistic. / Adults have too many scruples.
Knuth said “We need a special day that Queenslanders, especially children, could all play their part in.” Because part of growing up is learning to close your heart and retard your empathy for other species by killing innocent amphibians.
Knuth said “We need a special day that Queenslanders, especially children, could all play their part in.” Young kids can catch the toads, and older kids can wield the clubs.
The RSPCA said it would support Toad Day Out. And when the RSPCA reckon you should be wiped out you know your species really has an image problem.
The RSPCA said it would support Toad Day Out, but only if the pests were killed humanely. Or with golf clubs, since that is so much fun.
The RSPCA said it would support Toad Day Out, but only if the pests were killed naturally. Which means eating them.
Although he’s a big fan of killing cane toads, Knuth doesn’t think we should use cricket bats or golf clubs any more. They’re too quick. / We should use flame-throwers or cheese-graters.
Knuth said he has belted toads with whatever he can get his hands on, but he now wants to use the more humane technique of putting toads in the freezer. Besides, frozen toads can be whacked heaps further.
Knuth said he has belted toads with whatever he can get his hands on, but he now wants to use the more humane technique of putting toads in the freezer. Because freezing to death is positively delightful.
You put the toads in your fridge and then transfer them to your freezer. It’s like death by Sudden Ice Age.
Cooling and then freezing your can toad is the most humane way to kill it. Because who wouldn’t want to be chilled to death. / I know when I go, I’ll want it to be by Ice Age.
The RSPCA recommends putting the toads in the fridge and then the freezer so that they gradually freeze to death without noticing. Though personally I think it’s less cruel with a short, sharp shock with a 3 iron.
Knuth actually likes all other types of toads. The cane toad is giving them such a bad name.
Not only should all cane toads die, but white Australians should fuck off back to Europe, and the aborigines should return to prehistoric Indonesia.
Knuth says if 3000 female toads were collected, it could potentially eliminate 60 million toads. And it’ll make a great slalom course for four wheel drives.
Knuth says if 3000 female toads were collected, it could potentially eliminate 60 million toads. That’s right, if Toad Day Out isn’t held, there’ll be another dozen cane toads for every man, woman and child in North-East Australia! And now they’ve eaten everything else, they’re coming for YOU.
Not only does Nationals MP Shane Knuth insist should we kill cane toads, but he reckons we could afford to lose dingos too, what do they do for anybody, and fuck seals, they’re just fat lazy sea-rats.
If the Toad Day Out is a success, Knuth is planning a Cockroach Day Out, a Mozzie Day Out and an Ugly Spiders That Give Me The Creeps Day Out.
It’s worked in the past. At the start of last century, the Tassie Tiger Day Out was a huge success!
If the Toad Day Out is a success, Knuth is planning to wipe out some other things that piss him off. He doesn’t much care for yappy dogs or people on skateboards.
Of course, toad-killing-day is just the tip of the iceberg. His ultimate plan is that, in the future, every day will be a national culling day for something. / Of course, his ultimate plan is that one day, the people of Australia will come together and wipe out a different species every day of the year!
Cane-toads are pretty keen to keep on living – although, if they can work out some way to wipe out humans, they will.
Cane-toads are now trying to work out a way they can cull Shane Knuth.
The cane toad is well suited to Australian conditions, so climate change might be the solution we’re after – if Australia gets too hot, the toads might relocate to Antarctica. And then they can freeze themselves!
Knuth’s now planning on wiping out any species more evolved than he is.
Of course, creatures flourishing based on their skills at living in new environments isn’t something unique to the cane-toad. I think you’ll find it’s called evolution.
Coz there’s no better way for Queenslanders to fight back at people who stereotype them as backwards yokels, than to have a good old-fashioned Toad-Bash. / a day dedicated to beating the shit out of toads. Yeeehah!
