Sad news: Michael Jackson’s auctioning off the entire contents of his ranch, Neverland. Or as it’s now known, Never-to-be-repeated-land.
Jackson’s even selling his famous diamond-encrusted glove for $15,000. Though unfortunately if you want the other glove, Michael’s still not sure where he left it. (He thinks it’s the same place he left his face.)
Now that his mansion’s empty, he’s renaming it Nothingland.
He’s even selling off his gold and platinum records, in the hope that someone might play them.
He’s even selling off his gold and platinum records. They won’t play on his iPod.
If you’re lucky, you might be able to score his original face!
He’s also planning to auction off his original face. / nose.
Like his crotch, everything’s up for grabs.
One day, he’ll even sell the remains of all those missing children!
For 15000 dollars you can get his jewel-encrusted glove, for 1200 dollars you can score a basketball signed by Michael Jordan, and for 20 bucks you can grab a couple of litres of Jesus Juice. / a handful of Macauley Culkin’s pubes.
Items include a suit of armour, a throne, a cape, and other objects essential to maintaining an egomaniacal god-complex.
Jacko’s even selling a portrait of himself dressed as a king, which could fetch up to $4000 if someone’s really desperate for a laugh.
Unfortunately you won’t be able to buy his songwriting ability. That was sold long ago.
Unfortunately you won’t be able to buy his pop success. Even he can’t do that any more.
Unfortunately you won’t be able to buy his popularity. That went years ago.
He’s not selling his Beatles songs though. They’re still worth something.
He’s not selling his rights to the Beatles catalogue though. Looks like Sony’s going to have to advance Jackson for another multi-million dollar flop to get their hands on those.
And, if the offer’s high enough, you can have his children. They’ve served their purpose anyway.
It’ll be a lonely place at Neverland – just Jacko and his ego, wandering around looking for something to be stroked by.
He’s even having to auction off his collection of orphans.
You can also pick up some of the kids that have stayed over, only slightly shop-soiled.
Paul McCartney’s thinking of buying the lot.
Someone’s put in a bid for the lot, in the hopes that they can actually be crazier than Jacko himself.
It’s also the best price you’ll ever get on the other Jackson 4.
You can also buy the giant black and gold gates to Neverland. Just in case you’re missing gates for your own ranch called Michael Jackson’s Neverland.
Even Neverland’s gates are for sale. Fair enough; there’ll be nothing left worth keeping behind them.
Even the gates to Neverland are being auctioned off. God knows what’s keeping in all the orangutans now. / Looks like the kiddies are finally free.
Even the gates to Neverland are being auctioned off. He’s getting them replaced with a roller-door. Sure, it’s not as fancy, but it’s got a remote! Pretty nifty.
His credit rating’s so Bad, it’s Off The Wall. And if his auction isn’t a Thriller, he’s HIStory.
Michael Jackson has gone completely mad! His oversized ego – massively reduced! Closeted homosexuals – out they go! Old stage outfits are moonwalking out the door! All at Wacko Jacko’s Neverland Never-before Never-to-be-repeated Sale. Everything Jack-O – must go!
Jacko has gone completely wacko! His cultural significance – massively reduced! His popularity – slashed! 80’s dance moves are moonwalking out the door! All at Mad Michael’s Never-before Never-to-be-repeated Neverland Sale! Everything Jack-O – must go!
He’s promising to dramatically drop all his prices – or at least dangle them dangerously over a balcony.
