The world’s first No Star Hotel has opened in Switzerland. The $42 rooms have no views, no room service, no pay TV and limited hot water, but you do get a complimentary peg for your nose. / but at least it’s cramped and dingy.
The world’s first No Star Hotel has opened in Switzerland. The $42 rooms have no views, no room service, no pay TV and limited hot water, but it’s the perfect place to blow your fucking brains out.
To achieve a no star rating you have to register at least 7.5 on the vermin scale.
To retain its no star status, the hotel will have to ensure that each room contains a minimum of four cockroaches, or one and a half rats.
For a little extra you can book the honeymoon suite, which comes with its own rat-trap. / insect spray.
It’s not easy keeping your hotel at no star level. Every week, they have to plant lice in the shower.
Pah – stars are for losers.
The hotel is in a disused atomic bunker. So if they drop the bomb on Switzerland, the survivors will be cheapskates. / at least the survivors will be used to a life of scrounging.
As the hotel is housed in an atomic bunker, guests might be expected to share with soldiers and emergency workers in the event of a nuclear war. Or they can brave the fallout and move to a nicer hotel, it’s their choice.
As the hotel is housed in an atomic bunker, you might be expected to share with soldiers and emergency workers in the event of a nuclear war. And when they run out of rations, you’re automatically the buffet.
The first No Star hotel has been opened up in a disused atomic bunker in Switzerland. And, judging by the state of the world at the moment, it’s the safest place on Earth to be. / Which actually makes it the safest place on the entire planet.
The first No Star hotel has been opened up in a disused atomic bunker in Switzerland. It’s got no room service, limited hot water, and the only views are of the occasional Vietnam vet rushing in screaming “THEY’RE COMING! THEY’RE COMING!”
The first No Star hotel has been opened up in a disused atomic bunker in Switzerland. It’s got no views, no room service, and limited hot water, but when it’s raining rockets, the place really comes into its own.
It’s the perfect place to stay for students, backpackers, and apocalyptic death cults.
There’s a special discount for supervillains!
Some people travel Europe to see the grand castles, majestic views, and ancient cultural hotspots. Others come to lurk in dank claustrophobic concrete cells deep underground. Each to their own…
It’s the perfect place to visit if, rather than see the grand castles, majestic views, and ancient cultural hotspots of Europe, you’d rather sit underground and stare at the wall.
It’s a great place to stay if you want to save money. The only problem is finding a place to sleep amongst the 5 thousand tonnes of tinned herring. / of nuclear-winter rations.
So far they’ve only got one guest – a Mr Osama bin Smith.
It’s the perfect place to stay if anyone ever gets round to nuking Switzerland. / in the event of that long-awaited Swiss nuclear apocalypse.
And here I was thinking Switzerland was an atomic bunker.
It may have seemed a little pessimistic to build atomic bunkers in Switzerland to begin with – but then you never know when Neutral may decide to attack. / but then again, some people really hate fence-sitters. / – but then again, a nuclear attack would render those army knives next to useless.
No view, no room service, no pay TV… this place sounds so appalling that you’d just have to go out and see Switzerland! / it’s almost like they want you to go out and have a good time!
There’s no view, but then not everyone likes glorious snow-capped vistas.
Hey, it’s not as if you’re going to need hot water in Switzerland.
It’s the kind of place backpackers turn their nose up at.
Or for more salubrious accommodation, there’s a nearby open sewer.
