North Korea’s bacteria (GNW 12/10/09: 7 Days in 7 Seconds)

North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-il told Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao that they might be ready to return to six-party talks if progress is made on bilateral talks with Washington. He REALLY wants to meet Obama. / He just really wants to get Obama’s autograph.

The South Korean government says the North has cholera, yellow fever, smallpox, typhus, typhoid fever and dysentery, not to mention cooties and girl germs. / I’m not surprised Kim Jong-il was sick.

Kim’s hoping that by restarting bilateral talks with the US, he can cough something directly on Obama. (Not so cool now, eh?)

North Korea have a massive biological weapons arsenal, including cholera, smallpox, typhoid and dysentery. All the classics!

North Korea has some very refined biological weapons, including the one that makes all their people identical height for their synchronised marches.

Kim loves biological weapons. They’re like his little friends. Typhy, Chollie and Poxy!

Kim loves biological weapons. They’re so much shorter than he is!

North Korea are on the verge of restoring its main nuclear plant in Yongbyon, which it had earlier shut down. That crafty Kim – he never shakes on a deal without his fingers crossed.

Kim Jong-il refuses to drop his nuclear program. You now, just in case the South Koreans are immune to all 13 plagues he’s about to unleash on them.

He told the Chinese premier that he was happy to enter into multinational talks about his nuclear program. As long as no-one asks any direct questions, makes any allegations, or in any way mentions his nuclear program.

Kim Jong-il didn’t tell the Chinese premier about his 13 chemical weapons. But he did smear a little of each on his prawn chow mein. / But he did leave the visiting leader minute traces of each in his hotel room.

North Korea has 13 kinds of chemical weapons, including cholera, yellow fever, smallpox, typhoid, dysentry, and a partridge in a pear tree. (Which has a bad case of bird flu.)

North Korea has 13 kinds of chemical weapons, including cholera, yellow fever, smallpox, typhoid, dysentry, and some horrible bug Kim Jong-il caught at a rave. / caught pashing a low-rent callgirl.

China has now offered an unspecified amount of aid to North Korea. And in return, North Korea will give Wen the antidote.

China has now offered an unspecified amount of aid to North Korea. And in return, North Korea will not blow up an unspecified number of Chinese cities. / will spare an unspecified number of Chinese citizens from the horrific wartime apocalypse that is soon to come.

Kim Jong-il loves smallpox. Not so much a fan of tallpox.

Can someone give him some oil so we can invade?

Biological weapons. They’re evolution’s end-point.

I hope we have an all-out biological war. I mean, who’s going to win? Cholera? Smallpox? Typhoid? My money’s on yellow fever.

Kim says he has no plan to use the 13 deadly biological agents. He just enjoys watching them battle. / He just likes watching the all-in Plague Death Match.

Sure, North Korea’s got 5000 tonnes of bioweaponary, but China’s got the Chinese Burn.

The confidential discussions were held quietly, and by the time they finished, they were saying something completely different to what they started with. But that’s what you get with Chinese Whispers.