Obama swats fly (GNW 29/6/09: monologue)

Barack Obama has copped flak for taking pleasure in swatting an annoying fly during a television interview. Give the guy a break. Unlike his predecessor, at least he’s not getting his kicks swatting humans.

Although thus far he has been relatively restrained in swatting humans.

And if the Iranian conflict continues, he may have to drop some serious Mortein. / deliver some serious spray and awe.

So watch out bin Laden, Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong-il – threaten all you like, but if you buzz around Obama’s head during an interview, you’re toast.

After the incident, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, or PETA, sent Obama a bug-catcher to catch pesky insects without killing them. It operates more like a Guantanamo Bay isolation cell.

They’re also sending him a much larger bug-catcher, in case he happens to find Osama.

However, even PETA allows the squishing of maggots. According to an official, they’re “just really gross”.

Obama has capitulated, and, as well as not killing any more flies, he’s going to close down all the roach motels. / bug zappers.

PETA says all animals should be treated with equal compassion. After all, that fly could have been a reincarnation of Saddam Hussein.

PETA are also sending a strongly-worded letter to all spiders.

Obama has now claimed that flies are “against our way of life”, and has declared war on PETA as “a supporter of flies”.

He also believes than many maggots are training to be flies, while others are just waiting dormant in creeper cells.

Flies aren’t Obama’s only enemy. He’s especially worried about the “Axis of Weevils.”

I’m not surprised Obama can kill a fly. He’s superfly!

Man, that Obama – he’s so fly.

It turns out that Obama’s a ruthless killer with no respect for life – just like the previous US president.

The US military has now issued a statement confirming that the fly was indeed a high-level al Qaida operative, and have awarded Obama a medal.

Well well well. Obama and Osama get more and more similar every day…

According to the US Government, you’re either or against the flies, or you’re WITH them.

Obama has threatened to continue his attack against houseflies, as well as any state that aids, supports, or harbours them.

Obama said, “That was pretty impressive wasn’t it? I got the sucker.” Which is exactly the same speech White House officials had prepared for the apprehension of Osama.

It could be bad for Obama’s karma, and he’ll come back as an Obama karma llama. Drama!

PETA say killing animals is bad for Obama’s karma, and he could come back as a lower lifeform himself, like a member of the Bush family.

Well, they’re easier to catch than terrorists.

Yeah, it starts with a little fly-killing, then he starts whacking snails, before you know it we’re back to the naked hooded human pyramids being attacked by guard dogs wielding electrodes.

That Obama’s so sweet, he wouldn’t hurt a fly. He’d go straight to the death penalty.

Although Obama’s afraid using the bug-catcher may make him look a little weak on the international stage. A flimsy plastic cage may not be sufficient incentive to dismantle North Korea’s nuclear program. / to make Ahmadinejad stand down.

Obama seemed extremely proud of staring down the fly and then swatting it dead. The next G8 meeting should be interesting.