Chinese officials are banning countries from bringing their own food to the Olympic games. And they’re also insisting that the athletes use only Chinese drugs. / And they’re insisting that countries only use Chinese athletes.
Of course, there’s nothing you can get in nutritionally-designed energy-bars that you can’t get in dog.
Athletes are devastated. Not only do Aussie foods help them feel at home, but they’re chock full of performance-enhancing drugs!
So our athletes will have to eat their dog without SAUCE!
So there go those seven crates of beetroot. / beer. / pav.
Chinese officials claim that foreign food could act as a performance enhancer. And that might waste all the time and money that’s gone into pumping their own athletes full of drugs.
The Chinese claim imported food could act as a performance enhancer. And if it doesn’t, well they won’t miss it, will they?
The Chinese have now relaxed their decision, and are now allowing Vegemite in. After tasting it, they’ve decided it’s not a food.
The ban means Australians won’t be able to bring Vegemite to the Olympics, although the Chinese say that their product, Peoplesrepublicmite, is every bit as disgusting.
The Australian Olympics Committee is now lobbying China to relax the ban, saying that their evil masters are very strict, and that if they don’t capitulate, they might take away their corporate sponsorships.
If our athletes don’t get their Uncle Tobys products, how are they going to compete in the cut-throat world of international advertising?
After all, how can the national cuisine of an ancient culture possibly compete with a mass-extruded synthetic snackbar?
The Australian Olympic Committee are trying to push the Chinese to relax the ban, as they have already sent a containership of supplies to China, 100 days before the Olympics. Good to see our taxes are being spent wisely.
Because when spending a fortune shipping supplies, it’s important to get in early, before you know whether you’ll be allowed to do it or not.
I know, let’s send a shipment of thousands of muesli bars at once! That’ll make them realise their mistake! / That’ll make them back down!
China won’t back down. Send them thousands of “Power Bars” at once! That’ll show ‘em we mean business.
China will be sure to heel when we show em our Power Bars! / Pah! China will bow down before our Power Bars!
Unfortunately, if we use our Powerbars to try to defeat the Chinese authorities, they will fight back with their Superpower bars.
Banning Aussie food. It’s a bit like banning Japanese yodelling. THERE’S NO SUCH THING.
The nutritionist for the Aussie side said it’s important that the athletes get their daily high-energy protein carbohydrate mixture, or they might be tempted to turn to performance-enhancers.
The nutritionist for the Aussie side said it’s important that the athletes get their daily protein carbohydrate mixture, or they might have to eat food.
And all the fortune cookies are filled with sledges. “You are a weakling little round-eye.” / “You are going to be thrashed by a tall dark stranger.” / “The future brings you a total shellacking by the glorious People’s Republic.” / “The People’s Republic of China boned your mother.”
The plan is to fill as much of the local foods as possible with diseases and pathogens that the Chinese people are already immune to. Mooohahahaha! Those medals are already theirs! And with all that gold, they can finally put the finishing touches on their Doomsday Device! MOOOOHAAHAHAHAHAAAAA! THE WORLD IS THEIRS!!!!!!!!!!
Aussie athletes need Aussie foods, to make them feel at home. You know, Vegemite, cheese-stiks, protein carbohydrate powder… / And nothing says “Australia” like a protein-enhanced carbohydrate powder. / And nothing says “home” like a protein-enhanced carbohydrate powder. / And nothing’s as homey as a protein-enhanced carbohydrate powder. Ahh – just like mama used to make.
It’s comfort food of a type, to remind Aussies of home, you know, playing backyard cricket under the Hills-Hoist, munching on some home-baked protein-carbohydrate-high-energy-power-bars. / chucking a few protein-enhanced carbohydrate-powder micro-glucomates on the barbie…
The US Olympic Committee has already decided to boycott Chinese food, and are bringing in their own produce. I say Australia should follow suit, and eat whatever the yanks are eating.
We should be allowed to eat good Aussie tucker, like McDonalds and KFC.
The International Olympic Committee has banned athletes from bringing food in to protect the rights of sponsors like McDonalds. And if McDonalds is the only food the athletes get to eat, we could be looking at some world record worsts!
The US Olympic Committee has already decided to boycott Chinese food, and are bringing in their own produce. Because if you can’t burn off an upsized combo meal when you’re an Olympics-quality athlete, when can you? / we’re all fucked.
