Scientist Dr Peter Dingle says we feed pet dogs more nutritious foods than ourselves, and it’s causing our kids a range of health problems. Not only is it making them fat, but the shine and lustre has really gone out of their fur!
Scientist Dr Peter Dingle says we feed pet dogs more nutritious foods than ourselves, and it’s causing children a range of health problems. That’s why I feed my kids raw meat. Gives them that hunger for life, and sweet, sweet BLOOD. / and the blood of their enemies.
Not only are we feeding our dogs better than our children, but we play with them more, take them for more walks, and get them wormed far more often. / and are more likely to get them spayed.
So now someone tells me there’s something unnatural about Additive 621. I’d always assumed it was just plucked freshly from the Additive 621 tree.
Sure, it may not be food, but it’s great for creating bowel cancers!
Everyone’s going on about how bad these additives are, but they’re just not looking at it from the bowel-cancer’s point of view.
Ah, additive 160b – just like mama used to make. (In a test-tube. / In the lab.)
Sure, we’re obeser than we’ve ever been, diabetes is through the roof, and we’re developing all sorts of cancers at an alarming rate, but isn’t it worth it to be able to eat otherwise-indigestible polymers?
Sure, we’re obeser than we’ve ever been, diabetes is through the roof, and we’re developing all sorts of cancers at an alarming rate, but does he really expect us to give up our fast food and junky treats? Next he’ll be saying we should exercise more and not smoke so much crack!
But they need to add all those carcinogenic artificial flavours. You ever tried eating polymer substrate 51D-11 without them? (Tastes just like fibreglass.)
There’s only one solution – we’ve got to eat our pets!
The best solution all around is to take your nutrient-packed dog and feed it to your kids. Or the other way around.
He first realised it when his dogs turned their noses up at a meal of minced child. Full of additives.
He suggests you can treat yourself to some Corn Flakes or white bread once a week. The rest of the time: raw vegetables and flagellation.
Even seemingly-innocent foods like white bread and corn flakes are filled with the deadly chemical additives. Especially if you eat the packaging. / It’s actually healthier to eat the packaging.
He suggests you can treat yourself to some Corn Flakes or white bread once a week. The rest of the time he suggests you eat food that has some sort of actual food content.
A typical dog eat foods rich in meats, vegetables, vitamins, minerals and just a hint of cat to keep them keen.
Dr Dingle listed 34 additives that we should try to avoid. The trouble is, with that many additives, it’s hard to fit the actual food in. Which is why there isn’t any.
There are over 900 different chemical additives in what we eat, along with trace quantities of food.
And one day, we’ll be so weak and riddled with disease that the dogs will take over. And will they feed us nutrient-rich food? Will they bollocks. / I guess only time will tell.
We feed farm dogs well because we can’t afford them to get sick, while kids are fed rubbish, get sick and are given pharmaceuticals. Whereas we should feed kids well, and if they get sick, put them down.
We would have dealt with the problem, but dogs just don’t go for Additive 160b.
We’d give the dogs the additives too, but then they’d get obese and wouldn’t fetch our sticks. (Coz there’s no way I’m walking all the way over there to pick the thing up.)
Well, I say he can speak for himself – I always chuck my children a good meaty bone to chew on. It gives them something to do in their kennel overnight.
Of course, it’s hard to find fresh fruit and vegetables these days. Unless you go to the shops, I guess. / At least, they’re not at my local drive-thru. / Unless you go to one of those fancy “Super Markets” or so-called “Fruit Shops”. / At least, it is at my place.
Dogs may eat better than us, but they still only live to 16. Go carcinogenic polymers! / Guess those preservatives really do work!
Sure, we eat worse than dogs. But dogs aren’t so susceptible to TV advertising. Actually, they might be, but no-one trusts them to do the shopping.
Dr Dingle said for breakfast or a treat his dog gets chicken or beef, corn, vegetable protein concentrate, omega 3 oils, sorghum, iodised salt, potassium chloride, slippery elm, psyllium husk, taurine, choline, chloride, lucerne meal, marigold meal, tomato powder, zinc sulphate, iron sulphate, selenium, vitamins B1, B2, B3, B12, E, C and folic acid. Which is a lot to wrap around a bone. / And a bone. / Which is why his dog is the size of a railway station. / And their own vomit.
And here I was thinking that eating tins of Pal was bad for me. Looks like I’ll laugh last.
Not only is dog food more nutritious, it’s a much cheaper way to feed your family. There’s no down side!
And for added nutrients, don’t just eat your dog’s food, eat their vomit too!
In fact dogs eat so well, even their vomit’s edible.
So folks, put down the choccies and chips and get yourself a healthy serve of slippery elm. If you can hold it.
