Troublesome patients are being forced to sign behaviour contracts in order to stay in hospital. In return, doctors have to sign contracts ensuring they don’t give you a liver transplant when you come in for an ingrown toenail.
Troublesome patients are being forced to sign behaviour contracts in order to stay in hospital. Doctors, however, are still allowed to behave like arrogant pricks.
Regular patients are also having to take their Hypochondriac Oath.
Fair enough, some people are just too dangerous to have in a hospital situation; they should be roaming the streets where they belong.
So if you’re mentally ill and you want to get better, you’re just going to have to kill yourself.
I say good on them. I mean, really, do we want these abusive junkie thugs getting better?
Troublesome patients are being forced to sign behaviour contracts in order to stay in hospital. Of course, a lot of the time the patients are troublesome because they want to get out of the place…
It’s a good policy really. If a patient is really mentally unstable, it’s better to kick them out of the hospital and hope they die quickly.
Basically the point is if you’re ill both physically and mentally, you’re really beyond help.
It’s a great idea. What hospitals really need is more paperwork. / bureaucracy.
Patients have to sign contracts stating they will not take illegal drugs while in the hospital. Unfortunately, there’s no such contract for the surgeons. / It’s still okay for doctors though.
Patients have to sign contracts stating they will not take illegal drugs while in the hospital. The stuff they give you gets you plenty high.
Patients have to agree to smoke no more than three cigarettes per day, at least when in theatre. / in the cancer ward.
Patients have to agree to smoke no more than three cigarettes per day, no more than one drink, and no more than two bongs in a row.
Next they’ll be wanting contracts for the doctors!
Lawyers say the contracts are unenforceable, particularly when the patient comes back with their gang of loonies. / posse of goons.
If patients misbehave they’re going to be kicked out of the hospital. And if they’re really dangerous, doctors will be forced to smother them with pillows.
So addicts have to sign a contract pledging to not take heroin while on the hospital grounds, before the doctors inject them with morphine.
One patient was kicked out of hospital after abusing staff and patients, leaving hospital multiple times by taxi to apparently take illicit drugs via his hospital I.V. Sending him home will teach him a lesson! / He was actually only in the hospital to get a decent injection.
If a hospital is obliged to provide a reasonable standard of care, it’s only fair for patients to provide a reasonable standard of illness.
Patients who are using illegal drugs or are violent are being asked to sign behaviour contracts. Of course, patients on drugs don’t know what they’re signing, and violent patients just punch you in the face and refuse to sign. So the program still needs some work.
Contracts typically read something like: “I, the undersigned, of unhealthy body and mind, shall not punch, kick, bite, strangle, stab or gouge in the face with a broken pint-glass any of the doctors or nurses in my attendance. I shall also refrain from purchasing or in any other way acquiring illegal drugs, unless I also get the doctor some.”
Signing a contract not to abuse the staff is really unfair on people only in hospital to treat their Tourette’s.
That’s right, the loonies are only allowed to stay if they agree not to be loony. And the paraplegics have to agree to walk.
Doctors are just desperate to keep the hospital orderly. Geddit?
Doctors urge that people just calm down and wait their turn. Just be patient. Geddit?
