Harry Potter fans rejoice! Universal Studios are opening a new theme park: The Wizarding Worlds of Harry Potter. So that’s not just a new theme park, but a whole new verb! (Or possibly adjective.)
Harry Potter fans rejoice! Universal Studios are opening a new theme park, called “The Wizarding Worlds of Harry Potter”. Sure, it’s a terrible name, but it sure beats their first version, “20 Bucks And You Can Ride Our Broomsticks”.
The theme park offers a “completely immersive environment”. Although you still can’t cast spells, fly, or do anything else remotely magical.
The theme park offers a “completely immersive environment”. Well, sure, you can’t cast spells, fly, or do anything else remotely magical. But the prices at the gift shop are OUT OF THIS WORLD!
The park is being developed in co-ordination with JK Rowling – although unlike her previous ventures, she’s not able to make things happen by just saying “magic!”
It’s a completely immersive environment that recreates Hogwarts. And if you take a wrong turn, you end up on Platform 9 and ¾ at Kings’ Cross station! Unfortunately it’ll cost you a fortune to get back to Florida.
Unfortunately, it looks really boring to muggles. / Unfortunately, to muggles, it just looks like any other overpriced themepark.
At a replica of the Three Broomsticks, one of Hogsmeade’s popular pubs, visitors will have the chance to sip on Potter’s favourite “Butterbeer”. And then hurl their guts up in the Toilets of Wonder. / All the life-wrecking qualities of normal beer, but with all the heart-stopping qualities of butter!
The park will also feature theme rides, including the Flight of the Hippogriff, which will simulate a training flight on the magical creature, but is really just playing a video game on a forklift.
The park will also feature theme rides, including the “Flight of the Hippogriff” ride, which simulates a training flight on the magical creature, the “Triwizard Tournament” ride, which simulates the novel’s famous broomstick-riding game of Quidditch, and the “Magic of Being Harry” ride, which simulates sorting cocaine off a hooker’s breasts in one of Daniel Radcliffe’s luxury mansions.
But by far the most popular ride of all is the one called ‘Hermione Granger’.
But how do we know this isn’t just an evil ploy by Voldemort to deprive Harry’s followers of large quantities of cash?
Tom Williams, chairman and CEO of Universal Parks and Resorts, says “All of the action and adventures of Harry Potter’s world will come to life” in the theme park. Although, granted, not as richly and as magically as it does when you read the book. / as it does in your imagination when you read the books.
Tom Williams, chairman and CEO of Universal Parks and Resorts, says “The Wizarding World of Harry Potter will be unlike any other experience on earth.” Unless you’ve been to some other theme park already. / Unless you’ve been to Disneyworld, Disneyland, Dreamworld, or any other theme park.
It’s the sort of replication of the magical England of Harry Potter that can only be done in Florida. / that can only really be done in an overpriced Florida theme park.
Because, if you really want to re-create the quaint magical world of Harry Potter’s England, it’s best to do it with a glitzy overpriced themepark in Florida.
You will also be able to examine real Quidditch equipment. It’s kept behind a door marked “Broom Closet”. / “Cleaners”.
You’ll even get to play Quidditch! Well, hockey. But with brooms between your legs!
Visitors will even be able to examine the Golden Snitch. Well, that’s the end of the game, isn’t it. Thanks a lot.
Just like the books, the theme park will cherry-pick all the best bits of other theme parks and reassemble it into the most profitable form imaginable.
Harry Potter’s rapt – he’s always wanted to visit Disney World!
This kinda thing isn’t rare over there. In Florida, it’s actually pretty common for someone to ask you for 20 bucks to ride their broomstick.
The theme park cunningly conceals from the eyes of muggles a magical world known as “Florida”.
J.K. Rowling’s next venture will be to invent a magical bottomless pit to hold her money.
Tom Williams, chairman and CEO of Universal Parks and Resorts, says “The Wizarding World of Harry Potter will be unlike any other experience on earth.” Although there are some reasonably similar experiences down the road at Disney World.
Disney World is hitting back hard, with a theme park based on the Sorcerer’s Apprentice. They’re hoping to get all the Quidditch sticks busy carrying water.
Inspired, a theme park is now being made to recreate ‘The Da Vinci Code”. Visitors sit around and watch Tom Hanks trying really hard to look puzzled for several hours.
