An apt Darwin Award nominee: a Catholic priest died after grabbing a karaoke microphone while dripping wet. Onlookers said they’d never heard such a passionate performance.
At first, onlookers didn’t realise he’d been electrocuted, they just thought it was an excellent Ian Curtis impersonation. / Johnny Rotten impersonation.
It was bloody good version of “She’s Lost Control”. / I tell you what, he really nailed those Joy Division spasms.
It took them a while to notice what was going on. He was well known for doing the Peter Garrett dance. / They thought he was just impersonating Shakin’ Stevens. / They just all thought he was doing his Joe Cocker again.
It took them a while to notice what was going on. When someone cried out “the Pastor’s on fire!”, everyone ran to check the barbecue.
It was bound to happen some time. Personally, I think they ought to take the sea shanties off the playlist. / karaoke machine.
That’s clearly a sign from God – priests should not be going to beach parties. / hanging out at teenaged beach parties.
At first, they thought it was an electric eel or a jellyfish. But it was definitely a karaoke machine.
For a moment or two, he really was a Friar.
It turned out to be perfect, because what the barbecue was really missing was some well-cooked pastor.
It was actually deliberate. He never wanted anyone to forget his version of “Start Me Up”. / “Shock the Monkey”. / “Electric Blue”. / “Electric Dreams”. / “The Body Electric”. / “State of Shock”. / “Thunderstruck”. / “She’s Lost Control”.
God was said to have laughed heartily. / pissed Himself.
He always said he was sizzlin’ on the mike.
The beachgoers were sad that the Pastor was dead, but were glad that he finally shut the fuck up.
It was the priest’s own fault for picking a Black Sabbath song.
It was unfortunate. “Kill Me Lord” was his favourite song.
Proof that even God doesn’t like Karaoke. / Billy Ray Cyrus. / Phil Collins. / black metal. / singalongs.
Proof: priests should not try to sing Slayer. / black metal.
He totally stuffed up the song, but you shoulda seen the lightshow!
It was an intense death. He saw God, and heard Satan.
He died doing what he loved: spasming uncontrollably.
This isn’t the first incident like this. Last year a priest was playing beach volleyball and choked to death on sand.
“Yeah, wow, he must’ve been electrocuted by the microphone,” said the suspicious-looking guy holding a tazer. / said the Satanist holding a cattleprod.
Well if God isn’t going to strike you down personally, a creative priest will invent his own lightning bolt.
Another example of Divine Electrocution.
God thought about saving him, but decided He doesn’t want idiots like that in his clergy.
Onlookers were visibly distressed at his death, as he’d totally ruined one of their favourite songs.
Onlookers were visibly distressed at his death, as he’d left the karaoke machine filthy.
Onlookers were visibly distressed at his death. How could anyone follow that? / He’d ruined the whole karaoke contest. / He’d taken all the fun out of it. / There was no way they’d be getting an encore now.
It turned out to be perfect – they could use him to mind the Karaoke machine while they all went in for a dip.
He’d previously been hospitalised after a near-fatal incident singing in the shower.
It’s a tragedy, he’d just been thinking that singing karaoke wet had a real novelty factor. / He’d thought the novelty factor of singing while wet might get him some more applause.
Many present say that it wouldn’t have been so bad, but he was trying to fix a toaster at the same time.
Karaoke is a favourite pastime among Filipinos, who frequently have it at funerals. And sometimes deaths.
Karaoke is a favourite pastime among Filipinos, who frequently have it at funerals. At his funeral, he wants them to sing acapella. / sing along to an acoustic guitar for a change.
