With the U.S. Presidential election just a few weeks away, things are getting ugly, with Republicans attacking Barack Obama for past associations and Democrats threatening to retaliate. Well! I never thought I’d see the day where politicians began attacking their opponents!
Republican vice-presidential candidate and pitbull-with-lipstick Sarah Palin said Obama “pals around with terrorists”. Apparently he also supports the bogeyman and, most disturbingly of all, has some friends who are negroes!
Obama has questioned McCain’s connection to corrupt businessmen, and McCain has said that “Obama” sounds very much like “Osama”.
A man who’s hung around with terrorists is in no way fit to be President! As Dubya has shown!
Of course this terrorist has gone on to be a professor at Illinois University… or as Palin points out it should be called, Terrorist University! / “Killinois” University!
Ah, sure the economy’s melting down, America is completely screwed but… ohmigod, look over there! It’s a TERRORIST! From the SIXTIES!
Obama may be “palling around with terrorists”, but the current President can’t even find them.
Hopefully Obama was hanging out with terrorists – at least then there’s some chance he might find bin Laden.
And you know who John McCain was palling around with in the sixties? The Vietcong!
The Republicans have tried to smear Obama’s good name, linking him to anti-Vietnam-war activists. What a blow! After all, that Vietnam war thing turned out so well, didn’t it.
Obama hit back, describing Palin as an ignorant redneck hillbilly, which unfortunately sent her popularity soaring.
McCain called Obama a terrorist-sympathiser, Obama retaliated by calling McCain erratic and out of touch. McCain then said Obama was accepting funding that he shouldn’t be, and Obama said McCain was resorting to insults because he was out of ideas. McCain then said Obama stank like wee, and Obama retorted with a counterclaim that it wasn’t him that stank of wee, but actually McCain. McCain then gave Obama a Chinese burn, then Obama got McCain in a headlock – then a teacher came along and made them split it up. (But they vowed they were going to sort it out after school behind the shelter sheds.)
Now it’s basically come down to “you’re old” and “you’re black”. / Now it’s basically come down to “you’re too old” and “you’re too black”.
Obama has been linked to late 1960’s violent radical Bill Ayers, while McCain has been linked to late 1980’s corrupt businessman Charles Keating. Seems that, whoever wins this US election, the world’s fucked.
But Obama was only eight when the Weather Underground was setting its bombs. If he was involved, he was clearly a child prodigy, and should be running the country.
But who better to run the USA than someone with experience in covert bombings?
The Weather Underground were a group of anti-war activists who always sent evacuation notices to their bombing sites beforehand to make sure there were no people injured. So if Obama’s ties to the group are founded after all, clearly he’s not suited to indiscriminately blowing away Iraqi civilians. Go McCain go!
Of course, after Nixon, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, and Dubya, surely the worst slur of all is “you’re perfectly suited to be an American president”.
McCain’s got some doozy labels to throw at Obama: “liberal”, “spendaholic”, “responsible”, “inspiring”, “popular”, “our last hope”, “President-elect”.
As the campaign progresses, the smears are going to become more desperate. Look out for “McCain is an alien”, “Obama eats babies” and “Palin is a dangerous simpleton”. Oh, turns out that last one isn’t a smear.
As the campaign progresses, the smears are going to become more desperate. We’ll hear things like “McCain has no Brain”, “Obama’s a Bummer” and “Palin’s Failin’ ”. All of which may also turn out to be true.
Apparently McCain is a Republican!
Of course it would be racist to criticise Obama for being black. But Palin has uncovered a scandal – apparently at least one of his parents was also black!
Poor old McCain – he’s so old and senile, he doesn’t even know what they’re fighting over any more.
There’s a major smear campaign about John McCain’s health, having had cancer surgery. And if he does die in office, what about Sarah Palin’s cervical cancer? Actually, that’s just a pap smear campaign.
The Democrats are attacking McCain for helping to quash an investigation into a savings and loan firm which subsequently collapsed in 1989. But come on, how much damage could be done by a bank collapsing?
Ayers was a member of 60s American group The Weather Underground, who plotted terrorist attacks under the guise of a popular jazz-fusion band. Groovy.
The Weather Underground plotted a series of bombings on the Pentagon and other government buildings, while working nights as a funk band. / while working nights undermining the government with funky grooves.
Palin said terrorism should only ever be acceptable against bears and moose.
But if Obama’s friends are anti-American terrorists, then surely the best way to nullify them is put him in charge of America! Who are you going to attack now, terrorists?
These smear campaigns are really unlikely to work. Any country that voted for Dubya – twice – clearly doesn’t care how corrupt and depraved their President is, so long as they can talk like a darn tootin’ cowboy!
