A wild bear weighing in at about 180 kilograms has been discovered wandering around in a sprawling New Orleans prison complex. It’s actually part of a secret honey-smuggling racket.
Apparently the bear’s been imprisoned for honey-laundering.
Not only have there been bears found in the prison compound, but they’re unusually furious ones. Apparently someone ate up all their porridge.
Prisoners are kept in line by bolted locks and the free bears.
The bear’s working nearly as well as the dragon they used to have.
The Warden says having a bear in the prison reduces the risk of the prisoners escaping. Although on the other hand, they might be so terrified by the prospect that they’re encouraged to escape out the way the bear wandered in.
It’s a 73 sq km jail being run as a farm. With jails like that, who needs freedom?
The jail has plenty of dangerous fauna, including alligators, rattlesnakes, wild pigs and even some killer homo sapiens. / and the odd hunter. / and a scout troop that’s gotten lost.
The bear acts as a deterrent to escape, and is also a very demanding cellmate.
At least when there’s a bear in your cell you can pretend you’re being raped by your teddy.
The bear’s working so well that the prison is thinking of getting rid of guards altogether and using wildlife to keep prisoners in line. And if the guards complain about being made redundant, they’ll simply get fed to the bears.
A bear expert was surprised that the bear made itself seen in the jail, saying, “They’re actually very shy. Their tendency is to run and hide.” Especially from Bruiser and Knuckles from Ward 9.
The bear’s great at keeping the prisoners in line. Although of course if it actually attacked one it’d have to be put down.
The only problem is if one of the inmates decides to escape wielding a rattlesnake. That scares the pigs, and then the alligators panic, snapping at the bears – your whole plan’s ruined.
The warden says the bear helps keep the prisoners in line. Little does he know they’re actually training the bear… and giving him a taste for tender warden-flesh.
Not only are there bears in the prison compound, but alligators, wild pigs, and rattlesnakes. The weirdest thing is, they’re all in for things like tax evasion and drink driving.
Not only have there been bears found in the prison compound, but alligators, wild pigs, and rattlesnakes. For special punishment, they set prisoners free…
Not only have there been bears found in the prison compound, but alligators, wild pigs, and rattlesnakes. It’s one of the few prisons where being forcibly sodomised by violent criminals is actually the better option. / It’s one of the few gaols where prisoners would actually rather be locked up. / Violent anal rape has never been so comforting.
If prisoners escape the guards, bears, alligators, wild pigs and rattlesnakes, they’ve still got to get over the moat and flee the laser beams. / try not to wake the dragon. / and evade the centaurs. / and defeat the Black Knight. / and fight the boss-monster of level 5!
They’re not sure why the bear’s there – no-one’s game to ask.
But the bear’s not likely to kill any prisoners. He’s hoping to get time off for good behaviour.
But the bear’s not likely to kill anyone. He’s just after a bit of showerlove.
But the bear’s not likely to kill any of the prisoners. He’s more of a ‘bushwalker’ kinda guy. / He really prefers the chewy texture of bushwalkers. / He really prefers his meat free-range.
Poor fools. It’s actually Johnno escaping in a bear-suit.
There’s a bear in there, and the chair as well, there are prisoners in chains, and curses to yell… open wide, come inside, it’s Rape School. / Pris-On.
Is the bear a menace? Well, it does seem to shit in the woods.
