British scientists have developed a virtual reality helmet that recreates all five senses. At long last you can live life without actually being there!
The helmet recreates the sights, sounds, smells and even tastes of the original experience. Now, no-one will ever have to actually go anywhere ever again!
They call it Real Virtuality. It’s as exciting as living inside a computer! / Now you can know just how it feels to be a computer!
They call it Real Virtuality. About time, I’m sick of Virtual Virtuality, it seems so false. / it’s so phoney.
The scientists are saying the experience is so great they’re not calling the system “virtual reality”, but “real virtuality”. Wow, that’s so very different.
Instead of “virtual reality”, they’ve dubbed it “real virtuality”, as it has little connection with reality.
Scientists say the device will enable people to realistically visit family and friends on the other side of the world, and accurately smell them.
Of course, how do you know if you’ve taken the actual helmet off, or just a virtual helmet?
The experience is so lifelike that you can forget you’re wearing the helmet. Which is only a problem if you then put on another helmet in the virtual world, which will probably cause the universe to collapse.
And of course if you want to return to your regular reality, just search the virtual world until you find another helmet.
Scientists are confident it will one day be used in long-distance business meetings. Because conference calls just aren’t smelly enough. / email doesn’t let you smell who you’re talking to. / Because I never make a business deal until I give the other party a good thorough sniffing.
The device even squirts tastes into your mouth. Which adds a whole new dimension to business meetings. / reuniting with loved ones.
At last you can taste arsenic, faeces and human flesh with no ill-effects!
You’ll be able to experience exotic locations without an annoying, protracted journey. Although they can also simulate that, from the taste of a synthetic in-flight meal to the smell of your neighbour’s B.O. / farts.
First virtual reality, now real virtuality – I just can’t wait till they develop real reality!
The scientists working on it are thrilled – finally they can taste, smell and feel Lara Croft. / that hot anime chick.
The device gives you a totally realistic experience of what it is like to explore distant lands while wearing immensely cumbersome headgear. Totally life-like!
The device also gives you a totally realistic experience of what it is like to look like a total doofus. / dweeb.
And, when you switch it off, it gives you a totally life-like experience of wearing a VR helmet.
A tube connected to a box of chemicals releases smells under the wearer’s nose. It works particularly well at simulating the smell of a box of chemicals.
The technology’s still in its early stages, but the lead scientist said they’ve nearly nailed the smell of farts. Heh heh. Farts.
The helmet is able to take you to whole new worlds where you can smell exotic scents, taste fantastic flavours, and look totally unlike a geek in a helmet.
It’s a great tool for history classes. Although I’m not sure how they know how Ancient Rome smelt.
It’s a great tool for being able to finally smell history! They’re pretty sure that Ancient Rome smelt a bit like Glen 20 mixed with chocolate. / like sandalwood and cigarette butts.
Tastes are simulated by a box of chemicals which sprays flavours into the mouth. Mm, delicious AND nutritious.
Tastes are simulated by a box of chemicals which sprays flavours into the mouth. Of course, it may be difficult to come up with exactly the right combination of chemicals to replicate dinosaur piss. / replicate the smell of the big bang.
Unfortunately the helmet tastes and smells disgusting.
Unfortunately, after enough people use the helmet, the inside of it tastes and smells disgusting. / like old sweat and dandruff. / like a basketball sock filled with old bad breath. / like a jockstrap filled with dentures.
The scientists say the helmet is a great breakthrough, enabling you to realistically visit distant locations, relive great moments in history, or have sex with robots. / Paris Hilton. / Princess Mary.
The scientists say the helmet is a great breakthrough, enabling you to realistically visit distant locations, relive great moments in history, or just prance around pretending to be Darth Vader.
Working on virtual reality machines – it’s what scientists do instead of living. / going to parties. / having sex.
