Primary school students in Tokyo are being taught by a robot. It’s great for maths, not so hot for phys ed.
The robo-teacher even gets angry when the kids misbehave. And unlike human teachers, it can exterminate them.
It can discipline children, organise tasks, call the roll, and spin around shrieking “DOES NOT COMPUTE” – just like a REAL teacher!
And, like human teachers, you power it on microwaved meals-for-one, cheap red wine, and an unrealistic hope for the future. / and an unrealistic belief in the limitless potential of children.
And, instead of giving the kids detention, it just gives them disintegration. / destruction. / extermination.
Although, it is hard developing a curriculum where all the answers are “NEGATORY”. / “AFFIRMATIVE”.
It can mark reports, organise tasks, call the roll, and determine each child’s compatibility rating!
The students’ marks have really picked up, particularly in subjects like Parsing, Executing Subroutines and Death Rays.
And the staff room has never looked so neat. Especially with the vacuum attachment.
You don’t want to get detention from a robot teacher. They don’t have anywhere they’ve got to be.
Of course, it’s not so good at teaching maths. It does not compute.
Of course the robo-teachers aren’t so good at yard duty. Give them a spray at the water fountains and you can have the afternoon off due to rust.
The robot, named Saya, is multilingual, speaking Japanese, English and FORTRAN. / C++. / Visual Basic.
The robot even gets angry when children misbehave. Or display any other human behaviour.
The robot even gets angry when children misbehave. It literally blows its top. / It literally blows a fuse. / Which isn’t good for its circuit board. / Well, it executes the Angry subroutine, which is mainly a big frowny face displayed on its monitor while it shakes one of its fists.
The robot even gets angry when children misbehave. That’s the only human emotion they’ve been able to program into it.
The best part about having a robot teacher is being able to stick a “kick me” note to their big metallic back without them feeling a thing.
Spitballs are useless against a robot teacher – you’ve got to use ball-bearings. / use a trojan. / use spyware.
Spitballs are useless against a robot teacher – although enough of them and you can cause a little rust.
And, if you don’t like your teacher’s personality, you can just wipe them and download a replacement teacher.
And, when you bring an Apple for the teacher, make sure it’s a Mac. / it’s compatible.
Finally, a teacher with a Scuzi port and built in USB!
The robo-teacher even gets angry when the kids misbehave. And if they continue to act up, it can have a complete meltdown and turn to the bottle.
A pre-programmed robotic teacher. That’s bound to make class more exciting. / Because human teachers just aren’t quite boring enough.
And in science class, the kids can build their own student teacher.
“Line up in pairs or you will be ex-ter-mi-nate-d!”
And you have to spend detention giving the teacher an oil change.
It’s being tested as a teacher now after having worked as a receptionist. Just a few more promotions till global overlord!
But you’ve gotta hate it when you spend all class defragging the teacher.
The student monitor is actually what you read your results on.
The student monitor is flatscreen.
As well as teachers, Japanese robots are already taking the places of receptionists and traffic wardens. The designers look forward to the day when most tasks will be performed by robots, and humans will be free to spend more time hiding in caves and running for their lives.
