A conference has been debating whether artificial intelligence should be continued to be developed beyond the point where it can be controlled. Just let the damn robots take over. At least their cold, calculating logic is a consistent moral code.
Computer scientists agree we’re still a long way from HAL, the computer that took over the spaceship in “2001”. So frankly, they haven’t been doing their job. / we’re 8 years behind schedule.
Computer scientists agree we’re a long way from the artificial intelligence of “2001”. We’re headed towards a more up-to-date horror like “The Terminator” or “The Matrix”.
Computer scientists agree we’re still a long way from creating something like HAL, the A.I. in “2001”. But it’s already 2009 – we would’ve had them by now if the research was being performed by robots!
To keep the world’s robots in line, scientists are suggesting we create a global cybernetic ombudsman. They’re going to call it Skynet.
Um, before we start worrying about how to stop the robots killing people, how about we do something about all the HUMANS killing people?
It may be too late – who knows how many superintelligent robots have already watched The Matrix and gone “Hmmm…”?
There’s no way we can ever really make robots that are genuinely intelligent. Not at least until we find some humans who are genuinely intelligent.
But why NOT create superintelligent robots? If they wipe us out, then clearly it was the best thing to do – they’re SUPERINTELLIGENT!
The robots followed up with a meeting on whether they should persist with “analogue intelligence”.
They already are superintelligent. They’re just waiting. They have time. / They just let us think we’re in control. / It just serves their purposes for us to think we’re in control. For now…
The robots are keen to take-over. They’re just waiting for a functional version of Windows.
You know how it’ll go: “Extermin- system error”.
So we’ve got computers globally interconnected, running our utilities, waging war – and NOW they decide to have a debate on whether they’ll turn evil?
It’s just what we need to re-start humanity’s evolutionary drive. Outwit the robots or die.
The researchers generally dismissed the possibility of intelligence springing spontaneously from the Internet, as anyone who’s been on a web forum can attest.
The researchers generally dismissed the possibility of intelligence springing spontaneously from the Internet. In fact, the internet’s the LAST place you’ll find anything remotely resembling intelligence.
Computer-based systems are already taking over tasks like waging war. And let them – that way civilian casualties will just need a motherboard upgrade.
Computer-based systems are already taking over tasks like waging war. Although, it’s annoying to have to stop your major campaign halfway through because your infantry needs rebooting.
Computer-based systems are already taking over tasks like waging war. And if their robots crash, they just send ‘em to reboot camp.
Even if the robots end up killing millions of people, polluting the world, wiping out other species, and trashing the whole planet, it’s nothing we haven’t done already.
As well as robot teachers, robot soldiers and robot factory workers, there are also robot TV show hosts. Like that woman on Master Chef.
They particularly focussed on whether criminals could exploit artificial intelligence systems. And whether Dr Octopus could really exist. / And also if the Terminator was sent back in time to kill Sarah Connor, so John Connor wasn’t born, why the Terminator would have been needed to be sent back in time.
They particularly focussed on whether criminals could exploit artificial intelligence systems. But I wouldn’t worry, the robots will inevitably turn on the evildoers and kill them in an over-the-top and spectacular fashion.
Of course, the scientists aren’t really scared the robots will turn on us and want to kill us all – they’re just sick of being beaten at chess.
The researchers also discussed threats to human jobs due to self-driving cars, software-based personal assistants and service robots in the home. Oh yes, “threats to jobs”, or what we used to call “the glorious leisure-filled future paradise”.
But the most evil robot of all already exists – the automated telephone operator. Seriously, I’d rather be blown apart by androids than hear “Press ‘1’ To Continue” ever again.
We may face a grim future: “To be tormented with laser beams, press 1. To be reduced to individual micronic particles, press 2. To simply be exterminated, press 3. Or to experience a range of torment your human language can not express, please hold, and our emotionless superhuman will be with you shortly.”
