Kevin Rudd just can’t stop throwing money at us. It’s good though, those poker machines won’t feed themselves.
Kevin Rudd announced a 3.8 billion fund for insulation, hoping to insulate us from the global recession. See what I did there?
Kevin Rudd gave up on the whole idea of budget surpluses and decided to see how much deficit he could rack up. And he discovered that it was a great deal indeed.
Kevin Rudd announced another enormous financial package aimed at propping up the very same old industries and economy that he’s criticised as at the heart of all our problems. And he thought we didn’t notice.
Use of poker machines rose 10% in response to the last financial stimulus package, but the PM announced another one. He can’t afford to have the casinos go into negative growth. / recession.
The Liberal Party is back! Now that the economy is in worse shape than their party room, they’ve decided they’re the people who can fix it! And how better than by the same head-in-the-sand laissez-faire policies that got us in the mess in the first place?
The Liberal Party’s all excited to finally be able to talk about something they know. “Sorry Day”s and alcopop taxes mean nothing to them – but financial mismanagement’s their specialty!
Suddenly out of nowhere the Liberal Party’s back in action. Somebody must’ve mentioned money. / They’re a pack of piranhas smelling blood.
The Liberal Party is back! Now that they’re in no position to fix it, they’ve got all the answers…
Malcolm Turnbull has risked his own political neck by opposing the Government’s proposed $42 billion stimulus package, proposing a different package worth only half that. Because a 20 billion cash splash is a necessary and prudent response. The other 20 billion is just political pandering.
The Liberals are taking a big risk in opposing the package. After all, if the Liberals are offering less money in voters’ pockets, there seems to be no reason left to vote for them. / there goes their only weapon. / that’s them outta tricks.
Of course Rudd doesn’t know that whether the stimulus package will work. But surely it’s worth spending 42 billion bucks to see.
As opposed to Rudd’s package of one-off hand-outs, Turnbull’s package focuses on tax cuts, so that we can go into terminal debt much more gradually. / so that we can incur the sort of debt that keeps on giving.
The $42 billion is being spent on schools, housing, insulation, roads, small business and a whole bunch of $950 payments to you the voter. Maybe you’ll be able to spend that on fixing your own trains.
Rudd’s pretty sure that this time people will spend their one-off grants rather than saving it. After all, with shares and property prices collapsing and interest rates virtually zero, saving is just another word for frittering away.
Economists say the enormity of the package means the government knows there’s much worse to come. But Rudd’s not fazed – he’s just happy everyone’s talking about the enormity of his package.
Economists say the enormity of Rudd’s package means there’s much worse to come. Reminds Therese of her wedding night.
Turnbull claimed there was no evidence that the previous stimulus package had boosted the economy just hours before figures showed a $1 billion boost in retail spending in December. So that means only $9 billion went through the pokies.
And just when you think that nothing could make this multibillion dollar financial crisis worse, who should awaken from his crypt but Peter Costello. He could smell the sweet sweet misery.
Even Peter Costello’s back from the dead, appearing in the media and even going so far as to stand up. Guess he’s decided the recession’s so bad that he’d better start justifying his salary.
With Kevin Rudd announcing a $42 billion stimulus package, Malcolm Turnbull rolled up his sleeves and got ready for a fight. He heard Peter Costello stir on the backbench.
So with the Coalition opposed to the package, it faces a rocky passage through the Senate this week, needing the support of the Greens, Family First and No Pokies. It’s expected to get through with some slight modifications: the money for schools will be redirected to wind farms, the insulation money will go to free Bibles, and the roads money will be redirected to a pokie-smashing robot named Tattslor.
So with the Coalition opposed to the package, it faces a rocky passage through the Senate this week, needing the support of the Greens, No Pokies, and Family First. And we already know how they feel about Rudd unveiling his enormous package.
And if the government’s $42 billion stimulus package doesn’t work, they’re going to try a squillion dollar package. “Sure it’s a real number,” said a government spokesman, packing his bags for Barbados. / And if the government’s $42 billion stimulus package doesn’t work, they’re going to try a squillion dollar package. (indignant) It’s a real number!
According to insiders, Rudd got the idea of giving away a giant stimulus package when, for her birthday, he bought Therese an oversized vibrator. Seemed to make her very happy.
I just don’t like the terminology here. “Giant stimulus package” just makes me think of oversized vibrators. Or is that just me? …and Julia Gillard.
To help stimulate the economy further, Kevin Rudd’s unveiled his enormous package. Mmmm, stimulating. / Mmmm, now that’s stimulating.
Oh, Kevin, please stimulate us with your enormous package!
Rudd says his package is even more stimulating than a cup of tea and an iced vovo.
Rudd & Gillard didn’t bother to show up for the vote on the package in the House of Reps. Unfortunately the package will be defeated if even one Labor senator follows their lead. But they’re not leaders in that sense. More in the “spend all the public’s money at the drop of a hat” sense.
Rudd & Gillard didn’t bother to show for the vote on the package in the House of Reps. You know, some days it’s really just not worth turning up.
And if this stimulus package doesn’t work, Rudd’s going to try telling the economy “Sorry”.
