Ladies! Build more feminine curves with the Shake Weight!
It promises not to cum in your mouth. / to respect you in the morning.
Of course, one of the drawbacks to the exercise machine is that it’s a lot smaller in cold weather.
And sometimes, despite everything, it just won’t work at all.
Let’s just say that’s a very happy piece of exercise equipment.
Finally, an exercise for women that isn’t sexually suggestive.
The device lets you know when your session is over by squirting you in the face. / in the face with warm semen.
Get arms you’ll be proud to show off in just six minutes a day. Which is better than many men.
I’ve got to say, that bar is certainly well-sprung.
At last you can “feel free to go sleeveless”. Though you might need something else to wipe with.
So, men, be on the lookout for women with shapely, sculpted arms. They’ve got their technique down pat.
You know, darlin’, I’m happy to let you have a go on my personal ShakeWeight for less than $19.95. And we can make our OWN instructional DVD.
Rather than bulgy masculine muscles, it’ll give you the toned and shapely arms of a pro! Er, a professionally-trained woman! Who, um, works out!
It’s also incredibly useful for toning those cheek and tongue muscles.
But for the most effective use, it’s recommended you lick it thoroughly first.
Unfortunately, your workout only lasts for 6 minutes, and then the ShakeWeight rolls over and falls asleep. / before the ShakeWeight leaves, and never calls you again.
You just want to be careful you don’t get it in your eye. / get any in your eye.
You’ll just love pumping iron with your iron love pump.
(show video: $19.95) And that’s what they call the money shot.
Best of all, it comes with its own free protein shake.
The workout takes just six minutes a day, after which it lets you know to stop by cumming in your face.
Of course men don’t need a ShakeWeight to tone up their upper bodies. They already have one muscular arm.
The ShakeWeight is purely marketed at women. Partly because it helps your muscles look more feminine, and partly because market research had shown that men had another weight to shake.
It gives women those feminine curves that have only previously been achieved by other… feminine… means.
Looks like all these years I’ve been giving away quality workouts for free.
Next time your parents ask why you’ve been in the bathroom so long, you can just tell them you’re just ShakeWeighting.
It’s based on “a completely new workout technology called Dynamic Inertia”. Otherwise known as “moving stillness”. / It’s really good for when you want to move without moving.
Their website is very light on information about “dynamic inertia”. Sorry, what I mean to say is it’s “chock-full of emptiness”. / “brimming with non-informative content”. / “extremely roomy”.
