A surgeon has devised a way to add up to 5cm to a person’s height by inserting a silicone head implant. Because a huge deformed forehead is an excellent way to draw attention away from how short you are.
If you’re not tall enough, you can now get a head-implant shoved in between your skull and your scalp. Either that, or get used to it, like everyone else does. / or get used to it, shortarse.
This way everyone can look like Brendan Nelson. / Beavis & Butthead. / Bert Newton. / Luke Perry.
So far 17 patients have had the operation. And the more that have it, the less they look like tall-headed freak people.
This way people who were otherwise too short to join the police can be employed – in fact they’re desirable, as they can use their silicone-stuffed heads as truncheons.
It helps people get jobs with minimum height requirements, like police officers and soldiers, or minimum egg-head requirements, like lab geeks and Prime Ministers.
It helps people get jobs with minimum height requirements, like police officers and soldiers. Because these people tend to be a little on the small-headed side.
Surely the army would want shorter soldiers? They’re so much better at hiding!
People lining up for surgery include would-be soldiers, police officers, flight stewards, firefighters and models – particularly those specialising in enormous hats.
But surely a head-extended policeman would be worse! Their bodies are still small, and what’s worse, when pursuing criminals they tend to topple over. / and what’s worse, they’re top-heavy!
But surely a head-extended policeman would be worse! They’re trying to catch criminals with those tiny weeny little legs – and they’re always complaining about tight hats.
The same doctor suggests that, if you’re too tall, you cut your own head off. / you cut a few slices out of your head.
He’s helped midgets become normal-sized. Unfortunately, they’re nearly all head.
It’s either insert a silicone implant between your skull and your scalp, or wear a hat.
This will totally catch on. I mean, who doesn’t want a massively-deformed head?
The only sign that someone’s had the surgery is a small scar. Oh, and massive oblong head-deformity.
The only sign that patients have had surgery is a small scar, usually covered by their hair. Although bald people do tend to look like Frankenstein’s monster.
It’s fantastic if you want to go to a fancy dress party dressed as Frankenstein’s monster. Though the rest of the time it looks pretty creepy.
Jockeys are loving the idea. Not only do they get to be normal-sized, but it increases their chances of winning a race by a head.
Of course, now we’re all going to wonder if people’s heads are real.
The procedure was first developed by Dr Luis de la Cruz, although his initial experiments were actually about creating head-breasts.
This man basically makes head-breasts. What a tit.
The research isn’t finished, but there are indications that a silicone-enhanced head may even affect cognitive skills, greatly increasing the user’s mammary.
Diminutive French President Nicolas Sarkozy is a prime candidate for a head implant, reversing a long-standing tradition among French leaders: “On with his head!” / “On with my head!” / “Up with my head!”
At last we can impose a minimum height for humans! And if the shorties don’t like it, stiff – what are they going to do, bite our ankles?
