A nine-year-old schoolgirl has broken the world record for having the most snails on her face at once: 25. Hot!
But look at that tiny 9-year-old face. Where did she fit the other 20 snails? If I hear that there’s been some snail-stacking going on, I will not be happy.
In the picture, you can only see 5 snails. But you can’t see all the ones in her mouth.
Of course there are only 5 snails on her face in the photo. She doesn’t spend all her time breaking records. / Any more could be a distraction during class. / That’s enough to carry around day-to-day.
Proof that dirt-eating is just a gateway drug.
Kids these days don’t stop at eating dirt – they’ve got to turn themselves into the vegie patch.
Because what 9-year-old wouldn’t want to cover their face with snails?
It may seem strange now, but you wait until she wins gold for Australia at Olympic-level Snailface!
Tiana’s 25 snails shattered the old record of 15 held by Australian Liam Kenny. Liam said she was welcome to the record, as he’d decided that snails were kinda gross. / as he’d grown up a bit and realised the whole stunt was a bit dumb. / as he’d since realised that covering your face with snails is actually pretty disgusting.
She beat the record of 15 by a whopping ten snails, nearly doubling it. So clearly she’s not just doing it to break records. / 16 snails broke the record – the rest were for fun.
When she was notified that she’d broken the world record, she said “There’s a record?” / “What record?”
Her mum thinks it’s weird, slimy, gross, and revolting. So she puts snails all over its face. / So she covers its face with snails.
Her mum thinks her daughter’s weird and gross. So she covers her face in snails and forces her to enter competitions.
It’s not weird at all. We’ve all done it, eh?
But hands up anyone who hasn’t had 25 snails crawling on their face at one time or another. Come on, we’ve all done it.
It was actually her mum’s idea. It keeps the little fuckers off her lettuce. / roses. / off the geraniums.
Boys may be made of slugs and snails and puppy dog tails, but little girls wear them on their faces.
She’s happy to have snails crawling all over her face, but she’s still not so keen on boy germs. / She said that having 20 snails on your face is the only real protection from boy germs.
And it’s the only real way to give your skin that “just crawled on by snails” look.
Apparently, it’s the secret to younger looking skin. Oh, and being 9 helps too.
The best thing is that they exfoliate your skin and keep your nose snot-free!
It may seem gross, but at least it keeps your face free of lettuce. / It’s really just the best way to ensure that your face remains 100% lettuce-free.
The snails weren’t allowed to fall off when she tipped her face forward. So for maximum adherence, she rubbed her face in compost first.
Well, it’s just like Cyndi Lauper said, “Girls just wanna have snails”. On their faces. To break world records. Um.
She would do it with slugs, but she reckons that’d be gross.
If you pack them tightly enough, you can’t even notice their slimy trails!
Sure, her face may have looked like a writhing mass of slugs and shells, but it was worth it for the attention from the boys.
She’s also going for the records for slimiest face and yummiest face when served in garlic butter.
Next, she’s going to try to break the record for eating shit! / for covering herself in frogspawn!
She had just one minute to put the snails on, and then had to tip her face forward for 10 seconds – any snails that fell off weren’t counted. Good to know the snailface rules are well established. / Which you would know if you’d ever played professional snailface.
