Authorities are thinking of introducing tougher measures to prevent petrol “drive-offs”, including pre-paying for all petrol or even introducing road spikes at service stations. The spikes would cost a lot to install, but you not only get all your petrol paid for, you also sell a hell of a lot more tyres.
Petrol stations are thinking of introducing tougher measures to prevent petrol “drive-offs”, including the installation of tyre-slashing spikes at service stations. And, if the spikes don’t work, they’ll be installing a portcullis / drawbridge / employing a sniper.
One method of deterring drive-offs is to have a raiseable set of spikes at each exit, although detractors have said the system is too expensive. The only way the system will be implemented in Australia is if we train troupes of echidnas.
And it’s a crime that’s being committed by “mums and dads” in a desperate attempt to offset spiralling petrol and housing prices. At last, a crime the whole family can commit.
Not all drive-offs are fuel-related either – many people just drive off after receiving other services too, and leave the poor junkie there with his squeegee.
They call them “drive-offs” instead of “petrol thieves” to make them sound a little bit more cool and gangsta like “drive-bys”. Ah, the Service Station Association – they’re so down with it, nigga. Dat’z just how they roll, dogg.
They’re also thinking of preventing drive-offers from getting the supermarket voucher discount.
Not only will you have to pre-buy petrol, but they’re thinking of making all their goods pre-buy.
But rising fuel prices is a double-edged sword. Sure, there are more drive-offs, but the stats are way down for petrol-sniffing.
Oil companies say its not a problem, as they are absorbing the costs of the stolen petrol. By putting prices up. I see a vicious circle here…
Of course pre-buying petrol is a real pain if you want to fill ‘er up. You need to keep going back in and buying five cents’ worth at a time.
To really deter petrol thieves, many service stations are now refusing to sell petrol. They’re hoping to make all their money on slurpees.
In a bid to stop petrol theft, petrol stations are thinking of phasing out petrol sales altogether and concentrating on selling more bags of ice and inedible microwave meals.
To really deter petrol thieves, many shops now refuse to sell petrol at all. Like bakers and newsagents. Ahem.
If these measures don’t work, you’re not going to be allowed into a petrol station with a car at all.
Another possible solution is to make sure the petrol pumps are all empty – then customers won’t be able to drive off!
Drive-offs are an increasing problem, even extending now to mums and dads. Kevin Rudd is thinking of modifying the FuelWatch website to show not only where petrol is cheapest, but where you’re most likely to be able to get away scot free.
Drive-offs are an increasing problem, even extending now to mums and dads. Kevin Rudd has come in to the debate, saying “let ‘em steal a bit of petrol – if working families are doing it, then it’s alright by me.”
Unfortunately, having a pre-buy system does increase the prevalence of service stations that take your money and quickly run away.
Police have released hundreds of special one-way numberplate screws to prevent numberplates being stolen for fuel thefts. Alternatively you can just get a really wanky personalised plate that no-one would want to steal. / get yourself the numberplate “ARSECANCER”.
These days people have to go to extraordinary lengths just to emit a little CO2.
The way the petrol price is headed, people won’t even be able to afford to steal petrol soon.
In New South Wales alone, each 10 cent per litre rise produces another 120 drive-offs per month. Which causes another 10 cent per litre rise.
This is ridiculous. All these people want to do is drive themselves around, emitting pollution that is fatally choking our species to death, and yet they’re forced by price rises due to a huge global fuel shortage into breaking the law! Why won’t the government act? / It’s the government’s fault!
Come on. All we want to do is be able to use the last remaining stores on the planet of million year old fuel and contribute to the decimation of global weather patterns at a reasonable price!
Not only that, but now that gangland drive-bys are too expensive, there’s been a surge in gangland pedal-bys. / run-bys. / skate-bys. / jog-bys.
And in the Northern Territory they’re also facing a real problem with sniff-offers.
