Police in Minnesota are looking for a 31-year-old man who has a sexual fetish for slashing rubber balls. Not to arrest him, mind you – just for discreet fun times.
Minnesota police are chasing a man with a sexual fetish for slashing rubber exercise balls. Soon he’ll have enough for his own gimp suit that keeps you trim!
Minnesota police are chasing a man with a sexual fetish for slashing rubber exercise balls. Although he says it’s not the rubber or the slashing he really gets off on – it’s the thrill of being chased by police! / big strong men in uniforms!
There’s nothing like the feel of a well-oiled blade sinking deep into the full, firm, round curve of a rubber ball – the tension, the pressure, and then POP! Ahhhh. (clear throat) Um, or so I imagine.
Those exercise balls are just so fit!
Still, it’s better than the guy they caught mounting the pommel-horse. / But you should see what he does to the pommel-horse!
Nothing gets him off more than letting down balls. Which could be considered putting the horse before the cart.
Deflating balls is the only way he can deflate his balls.
Though it’s never as pleasant for the one whose balls are being slashed.
And for a real kick, try footballs.
It’s an unusual fetish, but he’s sure if he slashes enough of them, one is bound to contain a naked supermodel.
And you should see what he can do with a knurled straightbar and a couple of dumbbells! HOOOWEEE!
And let’s just say, he ain’t rowing on the rowing machine – although it does look like it from certain angles.
And I always thought “slashing the rubber ball” was a euphemism.
Of course he doesn’t just hack at them. He chooses his target, sits on top, adjusts his balance, plunges in his dagger, and then quickly deflates.
He was convicted of slashing 70 exercise balls in 2005, and has now been caught on tape breaking into a fitness clinic for another spree. He’s really hoping he’ll go to prison this time, he hears they have a great exercise yard.
He was convicted of slashing 70 exercise balls in 2005, and has now been caught on tape breaking into a fitness clinic for another spree. When will judges realise that until these people are locked up for good, exercise balls can never sleep.
Poor guy – exercise balls are the only things that’ll go down on him.
Let’s just hope that he can give up his life of crime. Then maybe one day he’ll find settle down with a nice round rubber girl to stab.
You know how these things begin. Don’t you?
