Australian scientists have successfully transplanted a gene of the extinct Tasmanian Tiger into mouse-embyros, and say that, theoretically, they will one day be able to bring the Thylacine back to life. Because that might distract us from the world going to shit.
Great! Now, why exactly did we need Tassie Tigers again?
I don’t think we need more species of creature. We’re having a hard enough time keeping all the ones we’ve already got alive.
It’s so great that we’ll have Tassie Tigers back! Now we can hunt the bastards back into extinction like we did in the old days!
Injecting Tassie tiger DNA into a mice embryo might effectively allow us to recreate the tiger, but much cuter and with an appetite for cheese.
We might be happy, but the wildlife of Tasmania is shitting itself.
Ahh, there’s nothing like creating a cloned Tassie Tiger Mouse Hybrid Monster Creature to say “fuck humans are grouse”, eh? / to say “Humans Are The Overlords Of the Universe”, is there?
Mice, however, are not so pleased with the results. / with this particular turn of events…
The Tassie tiger genes were obtained from a pelt and three young that had been preserved in alcohol. So now we know the secret ingredient in Cascade Premium.
According to scientists, creating a mouse with pterodactyl wings would also be possible. And fun!
According to scientists, creating a mouse with pterodactyl wings would also be possible. And people dare call scientists “mad”. / “power-mad”.
Detractors always say that these kinds of scientists are “playing God” – but did God invent the pterodactyl-mouse? I don’t think so! / Take that, God!
Scientists said it would be possible to grow pterodactly wings on the back of a mouse. That’s a creature that’d be nearly all flap. / all wing.
It’d be like a giant pair of flapping wings that squeaked and ate cheese.
It’s so great that scientists will be able one day to resurrect the Tassie Tiger. Then, maybe after that, they can work on global warming, the ozone layer, clean energy, AIDS, cancer, and feeding the poor…
At this stage, the scientists are just making the embryos to test their hypotheses, but they don’t let them reach maturity. Because if there’s one thing that’s more fun than creating mutant-Frankenstein life-forms, it’s destroying them.
At this stage, the scientists are making the thylacine-mice embryos, but not letting them reach maturity. They’re really just creating them to feed to their velociraptor-monkeys.
At this stage, the scientists are just making the embryos to test their hypotheses, but they don’t let them reach maturity. I guess destroying weird mutant life-forms is somehow less morally corrupt than creating them. / than letting them live.
At this stage, the scientists are just making the embryos to test their hypotheses, but they don’t let them reach maturity. This serves two purposes: one, they’re not surrounded by weird mutant monsters, and two, the experimental embryos are great spread on toast. / are just so moreish. / are the perfect appetizer. / are just perfect for when other scientists unexpectedly pop over for dinner.
At this stage, the scientists are just making the embryos to test their hypotheses, but they don’t let them reach maturity. Yeah, er, that’s right. Not a single one. And there’s DEFINITELY no mutant army of angry mouse-tigers. MOOHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
At this stage, the scientists are just making the embryos to test their hypotheses, but they don’t let them reach maturity. Because they don’t want an army of killer mutant Tassie-tiger-mice running around until they’re ready. / before it’s time. / until the government give the command. / until their deal with the Defence Force is fully processed. / before they’ve finished the wombat-dogs. / before they’ve finished the Laser Dodo.
Scientists are claiming that, with the same techniques, it’s theoretically possible to create new Neanderthals. Because what this world really needs is more Neanderthals. / Because they desperately need new members to join the National Party. / Because the National Party needs some new voters. / Because rugby memberships are slipping every year. / Because the Army always needs new recruits. / Because Neanderthals are just like so hot right now. / Because culling roos just isn’t as much fun as hunting cavemen. / We’re just one step closer to making the perfect rugby player. / We’re now one step closer to that mindless army of slaves the government’s always wanted.
Not only does this mark the Resurrection of the Thylacine, but the coming of the Four Dodos of the Apocalypse.
Why are scientists trying to combine thylacines and mice, when they could be combining vanilla and coconut? Yum.
