The Adventures of Gothdog (Good News Week 11/2/08: Strange But True)

British Goth Tasha Maltby was shocked when a bus driver told her “We don’t let freaks and dogs like you on” – just because she was being led on a leash by her fiancée. Plus she was trying to argue that pets travel free.

The bus driver later apologised, but said he just wasn’t sure she was house-trained.

The bus-driver said the lead itself didn’t actually bother him. It was just hard to concentrate on driving when she was licking herself clean.

The bus-driver said the lead itself didn’t actually bother him. He mainly objected to her shuffling around the bus scraping her arse on the floor. / It was all the fleas. / It was watching her boyfriend cleaning up after her with a plastic bag. / It was watching her boyfriend filling a plastic bag with her poop. / It was that she kept humping his leg.

The bus driver was just angry because the last person on a leash he let in tore up the seats with her jaws. / lifted her leg on him.

Her fiancée Dani Graves says that if she keeps causing him trouble, he’s going to have to get her put down.

Dani insists that she is just like any of his previous pets. Only she seems to actually enjoy the sex.

Dani says she’s his best girlfriend yet. His previous one was found floating upside down in her tank when he forgot to change her water. / His previous one had to be put down after she bit the postman. / His previous one had to be put down after she got mange. / His previous one died after becoming terminally ill with rabies. / kennel cough.

It’s definitely more humane than when her fiancée used to dress his dog up in a corset and thigh-high boots.

She’s a wild-girl in the bedroom – apparently, Tasha likes it human-style.

She can also solve crimes – if you promise her Scooby Snacks.

She’s also an absolute star at mouth-cricket.

She’s worn the lead ever since they first met at the pound.

Dani’s been very good for Tasha. Since they’ve been together, she hasn’t bitten anyone.

They plan to get married, but unfortunately won’t be having any kids – Tasha’s been fixed.

They plan to get married, and maybe one day have a litter.

It works out well for Tasha: she doesn’t have to cook or clean, gets taken for daily walks, and lifting her leg on a tree is a good excuse to wear crotchless undies.

Miss Maltby, a music technology student, said she is a pet and “generally acts animal”. Unfortunately she failed her recent exams when the music she made was beyond the range of human hearing.

Miss Maltby, a music technology student, said she is a pet and “generally acts animal”. Unfortunately she failed her recent exams when the examiner didn’t accept “I ate my own homework.”

The driver actually got them off the bus by taking a stick, and throwing it away from the bus as far as he could…

In the end, the driver could only get her off the bus by bribing her with some Goodo / with a handful of dry. / with a big delicious bone.

Dani’s now being taken to court by the RSPCA. Apparently his apartment is too small to humanely keep a pet of that size.

Tasha was originally going to be a goldfish, but they couldn’t find a bowl big enough. And when they did she nearly drowned.

Just like a real dog, she’s loyal, obedient and can’t help chasing cats.