Amanda Vanstone on Baxter: “People have found it to be forbidding, and we are making it friendlier… It will never be a fun place to be but it will be very good.” Baxter’s “not fun”. That’s like saying John Howard’s “not muslim”
Or Hurricane Katrina’s “not dry”.
As part of the friendlification of Baxter, they’re painting the razor-wire pretty colours, tying bows on the attack dogs, and guards now have to wear red noses.
It’s like Luna Park, but you walk in through Amanda’s open mouth… and in about ten years, you get to come out the other end.
Shopping expeditions will be part of the plan. “I’d like to see them try to stay on a hunger strike when we take them to the Food Court at Southland!” said Vanstone. “Mmmmm… Food Court.”
There are plans to open up the compound to “provide a more open and pleasant view” – yeah, of barren desert!
There are plans to open up the compound to “provide a more open and pleasant view”. That’s a view of Sydney harbour, stuck up on the wall of every cell.
There were 250 psychiatric and psychological appointments at Baxter in one month. There are only 230 detainees though; the other twenty appointments were for Vanstone herself. She can’t sleep at night…
The detainees also get to go fishing. Good luck folks, you’re in the DESERT!
Many detainees have gone to extreme measures, like sewing their lips together. As one detainee put it, “Mmmm mmm mmm mmmmmm!”
Baxter has been criticised for being “too much like a jail”. Gee. I wonder if it was the razor-wire, the guards, or the people being locked up?
Of course, it’s not really like prison at all. To get to prison you usually have to COMMIT A CRIME!
Detainees are encouraged to do activities like fishing and footy, but pole-vauling, fence-climbing and lock-picking are not allowed.
They’re also spending money on an improved visitors’ centre. That way at least visitors get to be comfortable.
There have been 878 instances of attempted self-harm in Australia’s detention centres in the past three years. And 879 instances of attempted Vanstone-harm.
“It’s not like a prison, it’s more like an asylum,” said Vanstone. “After all, they are asylum-seekers.”
Of course, taking detainees on excursions could mean they escape – so each one has to wear a little personal barbed cage-ette.
They’re taking detainees on excursions to make them feel better; to the zoo, prison, and Rodney’s House of Razor-Wire.
The new Baxter Cinema will be showing detainees classic films like “Born Free”, “The Great Escape”, and “Kill The Guards For Allah!”
