Keith Richards says the Rolling Stones didn’t just have “boinky-boinky” with their groupies. Sometimes it was “sucky-sucky”, other times “squeezy-squeezy”, and on one notable occasion it was “sharky-sharky”. Or was that Led Zeppelin?
It wasn’t just ‘boinky-boinky’ with the groupies. Sometimes they had sex.
It wasn’t just ‘boinky-boinky’ with the groupies; there was also kerplunk, yahtzee and the odd game of battleship. / boggle, kerplunk, yahtzee, and when they were feeling adventurous, just a little Connect 4.
“It wasn’t just ‘boinky boinky’ with the groupies. There was also ‘hoofah hoofah’, ‘flubba flubba’, and ‘squeeeee’.”
“It wasn’t just ‘boinky boinky’ with the groupies. There was also some ‘wham bam thank you ma’am’, a little bit of ‘ow’s yer father’, and just a spot of ‘ooh matron’.”
“It wasn’t just ‘boinky boinky’ with the groupies. It all depended on whether we were using the inflatable sheep.”
“It wasn’t just ‘boinky boinky’ with the groupies. It was also ‘hoobubba hoobubba”, “squelchy squelchy”, and ‘woofy woofy’. Depending on the mood of the Alsatian.”
Of course Mick Jagger didn’t just engage in “boinky-boinky” – he apparently was quite partial to a bit of “bowie-bowie”.
Of course the Stones’ exploits with groupies are well documented in songs like “Boinking Jack Flash”, “Midnight Boinker”, “Street Boinking Man”, “Boink Me Up”, “Paint it Boink”, “Let’s Boink the Night Together”, “Boinky Toink Women” and “19th Nervous Boinkdown”.
Richards said the groupies used to take care of the Stones. They would rub Vicks on your chest if you had a cold. And rub it elsewhere if you didn’t.
“They used to rub Vicks on your chest if you had a cold.” And your chest isn’t the only place.
And if they couldn’t find any Vicks, they’d just rub your chest with highly refined opiates.
Turns out Keef hasn’t been strung out on heroin all these years. He’s just had a really snuffly nose.
Of course, they’d rub the Vicks onto your chest with their breasts.
And most of the sex was actually chiropractic.
They’ll also rub your chest with cocaine.
Groupies didn’t just do the ‘boinky-boinky’ with the Stones; they also used to rub Vicks on their chests and on one occasion they even spoke – though that was taking things a bit far.
“They used to rub Vicks on your chest if you had a cold. Mind you, that bit wasn’t quite as much fun as the ‘boinky boinky’.”
Keef also admitted that much of the oral sex was just the groupies’ unique way of getting his temperature. / Most of the blow jobs were just to get his temperature.
Keef also admitted that much of the oral sex was just the groupies’ unique way of getting him to say “aaahh”. / Most of the blow jobs were just to get him to say “aaahh”.
“They used to rub Vicks on your chest if you had a cold. Better than fucking you while you’re a clogged mass of mucous.”
Of course, now he’s an old man, he likes his nurses to change his incontinence pads dressed as groupies.
Of course, now he’s an old man, there’s less of the “boinky boinky”, and a lot more of the “wheezy wheezy”, the “creaky creaky” and the “ow I’ve put me back out”.
The medicinal quality of groupies finally makes sense out of famous Stones’ songs like “Jumpin’ Jack Vicks”, “Midnight Sniffler”, “Rub Me Up”, and “Let’s Cough the Night Together”. / “Let’s Spend the Night Together With Our Heads Over A Hot Bowl Of Steaming Vicks”.
Don’t get him wrong – the ‘boinky boinky’ wasn’t sex, it was
jumping on bouncy castles. Oh the sweet innocent fun they had.
Of course the most recent ‘boinky boinky’ Keef received was from a coconut.
It’s great publicity for Vicks, who are cashing in on their new rock’n’roll cred with an advertising campaign featuring gyrating leather-clad rock chicks with the sniffles.
These days Keef has sworn off groupies, which is a shame as it means he gets far more colds. / as he has to get his own Vicks. / as he’s got no-one to make his Horlicks.
Keef claims that the Stones were “probably four of the most straight-up, moral guys you could actually meet”. Obviously not counting Bill Wyman, he was a pervert.
Keef claims that the Stones were “probably four of the most straight-up, moral guys you could actually meet”. Just goes to show how very fucked up on drugs he is. / See, drugs do terrible things to your memory.
Keef claims that the Stones were “probably four of the most straight-up, moral guys you could actually meet”. But the Beatles were Satanic paedophiles!
“It wasn’t just ‘boinky boinky’ with the groupies.” Richards said. “They used to take care of you. They used to rub Vicks on your chest if you had a cold.” And, to this day, Keef insists on having his haemorrhoid cream applied by hot groupies. / having hot groupies change his incontinence pads. / having hot groupies change the bags on the colostomy machine for him.
So remember kids – Vicks: it’s a dirty drug.
Of course Vicks can act as a gateway drug. If Keef hadn’t started on the Vicks, he’d never have gotten into the Bex and Horlicks.
Keef says the Stones are among the most moral guys you could meet. And the moral is: don’t do drugs! / do drugs!
In the interview Keef claims that the Stones were “probably four of the most straight-up, moral guys you could actually meet”, and then goes on to say how he nicked most of Jagger’s girlfriends. In a straight-up, moral way.
In the interview, Keef claims he tried “made a point of stealing every bitch” Mick had, to get back at Mick for screwing Anita Pallenberg. Who of course Keef stole off Brian. Coz as he says, he’s a “straight-up, moral guy”.
