After a spate of positive drug tests in Belgium, the Belgian championships had been moved to the Netherlands. But when the doping officials identified themselves during the weigh-in, the bodybuilders all got up and left. And as word spread, the crowd fled too.
When the doping officials arrived, the bodybuilders all left. But it wasn’t because they’d been doping – it was because they’d just remembered they’d left the oven on. And you don’t want to burn your beefcake.
When the doping officials arrived, the bodybuilders all left. Followed very quickly by their dealers.
The bodybuilders were shocked – they were sure moving the contest to the Netherlands would take the focus off doping.
They didn’t expect actual drug-testers there. In the Netherlands, the term “doping official” is just slang for a coffee-shop gourmet. / for a connoisseur. / for a dealer.
It was suspicious enough moving the contest to the Netherlands, but the big mistake was holding it in a coffee shop.
It had nothing to do with the presence of the doping officials that led to the mass exodus. It was just coincidental that the bodybuilders all got the munchies at once.
Since all 20 contestants fled, in theory any scrawny loser could have won the bodybuilding championship. But as it was the Netherlands, no-one could be found who was dope-free.
With the sudden departure of all 20 bodybuilders, the championship was won by a nine-year-old girl, who was the only person in the vicinity who tested clean.
Though moving to the Netherlands may be giving you the wrong sort of doping.
Though doping in the Netherlands isn’t so good for bodybuilding. All that veging out on the couch with a pizza.
Last year, 75% of Belgian bodybuilding tests were positive for steroids or refusing testing. Turns out those freakish inhuman bodies may actually be artificial.
Last year, 75% of Belgian bodybuilding tests were positive for steroids or refusing testing, and the other 25% were cyborgs.
Organisers have rescheduled the event to a Chinese opium den.
It’s a tragedy for the bodybuilders. Unless they get some prizemoney soon they won’t be able to afford their drugs.
It was the first time the doping officials had visited the Netherlands. But it won’t be the last – turns out it’s a great place to score drugs!
One doping official said he hoped to never see anything like it again. He needs the occasional clean bodybuilder to keep his job.
It’s such a shame that bodybuilding has been taken over by doping. In the good old days, people like Arnie were all-natural freaks.
Remember kids, if you’re going to build a body, only use all-natural ingredients.
