China’s Olympics organisers are primed to mobilise an army of up to 37,000 people to ensure that rain doesn’t ruin the opening ceremony. If rain looks like it’s threatening, they all look up at the clouds and blow. FFFFFFFFF!
The Chinese Weather Modification Bureau has 37,000 personnel, 30 aircraft, and 6781 anti-aircraft guns. In case they’re attacked by some other country’s weather modification aircraft. / by Tibetan weather-modifying monks.
Not only can they make it rain, but, because of all the chemicals used in the process, the rain can also be used to burn the eyes of protesters! / it’s like the clouds are raining tear-gas!
The Chinese Bureau of Weather Modification includes 30 aircraft, 4000 rocket launchers and 6000 anti-aircraft guns. It’s much more effective than a roof. / an umbrella. / Sure beats holding up a brolly. / Very similar to the Bureau of Tibetan Modification.
To prevent the opening ceremony being ruined by rain, Chinese officials plan to find the clouds, and inject them with chemicals, including silver iodide, salts, and dry ice – a technique they’ve perfected while torturing dissidents. / They have exactly the same technique to prevent the opening ceremony being ruined by Falun Gong members. / dissidents.
You’d be amazed the success you can have when 37,000 people all chant “Rain rain go away…”
China’s Bureau of Weather Modification will watch for any signs of rain and try to shock it out of the clouds prior to the ceremony. Ideally they’ll try to make it land on pro-Tibet protestors. / in Tibet.
When you’ve got over a billion people, you can afford a few dozen thousand to change the weather.
The Chinese Weather Modification Bureau employs 37,000 people, although the other 1.3 billion do help contribute.
The Chinese Weather Modification Bureau includes over 6000 anti-aircraft guns. Because you never know when one of those clouds could turn nasty. / Because continually firing silver iodide into clouds can turn them against you. / Any clouds seen in the vicinity of the opening ceremony are toast.
Because rain on the opening ceremony might spoil the real highlight – the smog.
They don’t want rain spoiling the grim totalitarian solemnity. / They use the technique to make it rain. They don’t want the grim totalitarian nightmare spoiled by lack of storm.
The don’t want rain ruining their Olympics Opening Ceremony: the army marching stiffly around a concrete square chanting “The People Celebrate The Olympics.”
They’re controlling the athletes, the visitors, the media, and now the weather. If there’s an earthquake, Mother Nature’s gunna be in big trouble. / They’re also employing a million people to hold the ground still, to prevent earthquakes.
Now if only we all devoted as many resources to weather modification as the Chinese, global warming could be solved!
No wonder the Chinese aren’t taking bigger steps to combat climate change – they’re the ones doing the changing.
They’re also working on a little weather modification project they call “Global Warming”.
They’re also working on a project to help citizens who live in the frozen mountainous areas of China. It’s called “Global Warming”.
If only we had a Weather Modification Bureau, the Murray-Darling might have a chance.
Typical, while Australians are farting around with carbon pollution reduction schemes, the Chinese are getting on and changing the weather.
And the same technology can be used to make little clouds follow the foreign athletes around, raining on them the whole time.
Artificial weather modification can be useful for putting off drizzle, although if there is a heavy rainfall, the Chinese will have to rely on the nuclear option.
It’s another good reason to stay on good terms with the Chinese. You don’t want them sending their cloud army after you.
China leads the world in research into reducing rainfall. After all, with the One-child Policy you don’t want people to have to spend too much time indoors.
What we really need to do is start a war with China. Then they’ll shoot rocket after rocket at us – and make it rain.
