PM Kevin Rudd is organising a summit of the country’s varied experts to help generate 12 great ideas for the future of the country. Coz he’s totally out. / Because he only had one idea, and that was to rhyme his name with “07”.
Kevin Rudd is hoping his “Future Summit” will produce 12 good, big projects for Australia to undertake. If it doesn’t, he’ll undertake his second tier projects like that school project on Bradman.
Kevin Rudd is hoping his “Future Summit” will produce 12 good, big projects for Australia to undertake. Because the only cool project idea he could come up with was “what I did on my holidays”.
Kevin Rudd is hoping his “Future Summit” will produce 12 good, big projects for Australia to undertake. And if they don’t get any good ideas for big projects, they can do book reports.
Rudd says the individuals chosen for the summit are decided on “merit and achievement”, and not because they are representatives of the global elite who secretly rule the world. / and not because of their intricate family connections to the Illuminati. / and not because they are just like totally hot.
The summit is being held to show that the government is not being run with short-term electoral thinking based on who you know, but with an open, free-minded philosophy based on what’s good for everyone. Invitation only.
Rudd is gathering 1000 experts in ten policy areas to meet for a weekend. That means people will speak for an average of 54 seconds. Somehow I’m thinking Rudd might take a little longer than his quota.
Rudd said the summit will not just be a “talkfest”. There’ll be volleyball, a fashion parade, and a game of “Where’s Ruddy?” where you have to pick the PM in a photo of all the delegates!
Rudd said the summit will not just be a “talkfest”. There will also be poledancing.
To avoid it being a huge expense for taxpayers, attendees will have to pay their own travel and accommodation expenses. Representatives of the homeless community will need to bring their cardboard box when they try to hitch a lift.
The PM thinks a think-tank generating a dozen good ideas for the next decade is better than just sitting in Canberra listening to public servants and lobbyists. Also a lot less tedious.
Rudd doesn’t want to simply rely on the opinions of politicians, public servants and lobbyists, and so he’s also inviting the cream of crooks, charlatans, thieves, misanthropes and sociopaths.
Rudd’s looking for a dozen good new projects. Because with just climate change, renewable energy, an ongoing war on terror, regional instability, the world on the brink of recession, a housing affordability crisis and peak oil on their hands, the government really doesn’t know what to do with all its spare time.
He’s already started work on his education revolution, but Kevin 07 is wanting the 1000 attendees to work hard on getting inspirational rhymes for words like infrastructure, environment and indigenous.
Kevin promises all attendees a big party on the night of the summit, with plenty of tea and iced vovos to go around!
Rudd says policy has been too focussed on short-term outcomes driven by the electoral cycle, and thinks that a longer-term plan could be a real vote winner.
Rudd said the real reason he chose to host a “Future Summit” was so he could ride one of the hoverbikes. / play with the robots. / get there by VacuumTube. / play chess against an android. / see the clonedancing. / taste the Iced Vovos of the future!
Rudd’s summit unfortunately clashes with Passover, angering the Jewish community. Rudd says he is very supportive of the Jewish community, he just isn’t interested in advice for the future taken from the Old Testament.
The “Future Summit” will be the first in a series in sci-fi themed summits, including the “Space Summit”, the “Parallel Dimension Summit” and the “All The Kids Used To Call Me Spock Summit”. / and the “Summit on Tribbles”. / the “Summit from Planet X!”
Nationals Senator Barnaby Joyce suggested the government shouldn’t need a thousand people to explain to them how to run the country. They should leave it to parliamentarians. Especially Nationals Senators.
Rudd already has 12 of his projects ready to roll if nothing else comes up:
12) teaching Mandarin in schools, so he doesn’t feel so left out;
11) increasing the variety of Vovo, to include not just “Iced” but “Sprinkled”, “Choc-top”, and “Self-saucing”;
10) decreasing funding for footy and cricket, and funnelling that money into chess clubs and Advanced Dungeons and Dragons tournaments;
9) more money for research into creating a special energy-efficient Enviro-Vovo;
8) making the Northern Territory and the ACT actual states – it just makes the country look neater;
7) working out some way of generating clean power from the energy required to make a good strong cup of tea;
6) making the new national sport a form of gymnastics known as the “Private Lapdance”;
5) working out catchy inspirational rhymes for words like infrastructure, environment and indigenous;
4) forcing stripclubs to serve tea and Iced Vovos rather than alcohol;
3) appointing that agreeable Brendan Nelson chap as permanent leader of the Liberal Party;
2) making as many numbers as possible rhyme with “Kevin”;
and number 1) working out some way to avoid global disaster when the US economy goes under and we’re dragged back into the Dark Ages.
