Nigerian police are holding a goat on charges of armed robbery, because witnesses have claimed it’s actually a man who transformed himself through black magic. Either that or the guy is still hiding behind the goat.
A group of vigilantes came upon some men trying to break into a Mazda 323, but when they gave chase, all escaped except for the guy who transformed himself into a goat. That goat transformation trick can really slow you down.
Or it’s possible that all the thieves escaped, and they arrested an innocent goat. But really, which is more likely?
Bad move really, seeing that all the thieves who didn’t transform themselves into goats escaped.
Should really have transformed himself into something quicker, eh.
If only he’d turned himself into a cheetah.
But of course, the goat isn’t a magician. He’s just a common car thief.
Ah, the powers of black magic! “By the dark majesty of Satan, turn me into a creature the police will be able to easily apprehend, and then, while no-one’s looking, kill and eat!”
You live and learn. Next time, he’s going to turn the cops into goats.
He figured turning into a goat was the surest way to avoid getting sodomised in the prison showers. But sadly, he was wrong.
Not such a great idea if the cops are feeling a bit peckish.
Next time I get a parking fine, I know what I’ll be doing…
But of course, if he hadn’t turned himself into a goat, he could have driven away!
But turning into the goat was his fatal mistake – you ever tried breaking into a car with nothing but hooves? / it’s almost impossible to hold the steering wheel with hooves.
They’re wondering if the goat is a victim of circumstance, or is just baaaaad.
It made it hard for the cops. They’d run out of hoofcuffs.
Not only did the goat try to steal the Mazda, but was halfway through eating the hubcaps.
The thief sure is stubborn – so far, despite all sorts of threats, bargains and psychological manipulation, he’s refused to turn back into a human.
The man’s regretting it. Not only did it not help him get away, but he’s now a goat.
Unfortunately now that he’s a goat he’s finding it difficult to cast spells. / to cast the “back-into-a-human” spell.
Anything he bleats may be used against him.
They threw the rulebook a him – but he just ate it.
So far the questioning has yielded little, although one policeman swore he heard the goat say “Maaz-daaaa”.
If he’s guilty he’ll make a great soup. Not true of most car thieves.
Belief in witchcraft is widespread in parts of Nigeria, particularly in the areas where people turn into goats. / in areas where much of the population has turned into goats.
He knew a card trick just wasn’t going to be diverting enough.
The police have yet to release an official statement, as they’ve all been turned into chickens. / as they’re currently busy searching for cheese, squeaking. / as they’re currently busy pecking for grain, clucking.
His black magic was very effective at turning him into a goat, but less so at breaking into Mazdas.
So in the end the thieves were glad they brought along the goat.
So if you’re planning a robbery in Nigeria – don’t forget the goat!
Okay, okay, so they didn’t end up catching any of the car thieves. But that goat is far from innocent. / But that goat sure had a guilty look in its eyes.
It looked like the poor goat was going to carry the can. Until he ate it.
Of course, the goat is going to be tried in a kangaroo court.
This isn’t the first time the man has used his magical powers of transformation. Last year, the cops caught him turning into a one-way street. Wahey!
