The Pentagon has released plans to redevelop Iraq’s Green Zone into a $5 billion Golf and Country Club. It’s a contingency plan, just in case peace unexpectedly breaks out and they’ve got to find some other way to waste billions of dollars.
Finally a way for Iraqis to spend all their excess disposable cash. / their vast wealth.
An army source said that the 14-square kilometre area of barbed wire and concrete would be replaced with shopping malls, hotels, and apartment blocks. Apparently, insurgents were sick of having nothing to aim at.
The international village near the US Embassy is tentatively called the Tigris Woods Golf & Country Club, proving that the Pentagon has completely lost the plot. / proving that Pentagon officials were high at the time. / proving that Pentagon officials are now passing their days in an alcoholic haze.
The international village near the US Embassy is tentatively called the Tigris Woods Golf & Country Club, proving that they may be incompetent power-hungry thugs, but at least they’ve got a sense of humour.
The international village near the US Embassy is tentatively called the “Tigris Woods Golf & Country Club”, as “Western Imperial Capitalist Takeover Dreampark” seemed too direct. / might have been offensive to the locals. / is already being used in Afghanistan.
They’re naming it the “Tigris Woods Golf & Country Club”. Just another reason to want to blow them up.
They’re naming it the “Tigris Woods Golf & Country Club”. Iraqis say they preferred the bombings and torture. / Iraqis are pleading that the US goes back to bombings and torture, and leaves the puns alone.
They’re naming it the “Tigris Woods Golf & Country Club”. A pun so bad it clearly goes against the Geneva Convention.
The complex will be shaped like a giant American cock rammed deep into an Iraqi arse. / like a giant American hand, flipping Iraq the bird. / a giant naked human pyramid.
The Tigris Woods Golf and Country Club is to include a golf course, luxury hotels, fashion boutiques, office towers, oil fountains, solid gold mansions, chocolate rivers and hovercars.
The Tigris Woods Golf and Country Club will include a golf course, luxury hotels, fashion boutiques, cocktail bars, and thousands of helpful slaves!
The Tigris Woods Golf and Country Club will include a golf course, luxury hotels, fashion boutiques, cocktail bars, and all the clusterbombing you can handle!
“Now all we need to do is get rid of all these damn foreigners.”
It’s a security measure, so everyone knows what to aim for.
I’ve got a great name for it: Mission Accomplished.
Of course, the golf-course is all sand-trap.
The golf course will have plenty of sand traps. In fact it’ll be difficult to find any grass.
The golf course will have plenty of bunkers, but with water in such short supply, they’ll have oil traps.
Yep, the US really know how to rub things in.
You just haven’t really broken a nation until you’ve built a luxury golfcourse amongst their starving children.
The idea is to create a “zone of influence” around the billion dollar US embassy being built at one end of the Green Zone, and give the ambassador somewhere to lord it over the little people.
The idea is to create a “zone of influence” around the billion dollar US embassy in the Green Zone. Preferably, this “zone of influence” will encompass the entire “Blue Zone”, or, as we all call it, the rest of the world.
The idea is to create a “zone of influence” around the billion dollar US embassy in the Green Zone. This will oversee the rest of Iraq, or, as the US call it, the “Fucked Zone”.
And there’ll be a great fun park, with water slides and roadside bombings!
It’s a great plan. The luxury dreamworld that the Pentagon envisages is bound to quell any thoughts of suicide bombing from the average Iraqi eating dirt and drinking piss.
And to make it all fair, they’ll give the Iraqi people drinking-water.
It’s amazing what they’re doing with Iraq. Next, they might even spend some time thinking about this whole war thingie.
They’ll also have a spectacular nightly floorshow they call Human Fireworks!
The Tigris Woods Golf & Country Club will be the bustling heart of the rebranded Prada Bag-dad.
The Tigris Woods Golf & Country Club is just part of a series of redevelopments. In Fallujah they’re planning the Martina Navratallujah Tennis Centre, and for AFL supporters there’ll even be a footy ground named after James Kurd. (The “James Arena”.)
When you’re golfing at the Tigris Woods Golf and Country Club and you’ve got a handicap, it’s often because of landmines.
You can get a hole in one, and shrapnel in the other.
Tiger Woods thinks it’s a wonderful tribute, but the river Tigris is suing. / thinks it’s perhaps the shittest, most bad-taste pun it’s ever heard.
“Tigris Woods” is a little bit better than its previous name, “The Great White Shi’ite”. / “The Great White Race”. / “Greg Nor-man’s-land.”
“Tigris Woods” is a little bit better than its previous name, “Take That, Towelhead.”
It’s all architecturally-designed. From space, it looks like a giant dollar sign, made of oil.
Is it just me, or does the clubhouse kind of resemble the Sydney Opera House? Perhaps it’s a tribute to another highly-unlikely-to-succeed imposition of Western civilisation. / to a different genocidal invasion…
Hey, it’s no crazier than trying to launch an outcrop of the British Empire in a distant foreign land with a bunch of prisoners. And we’re doing OK.
