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Turnbull and Costello agree on wording (Good News Week 2/3/09: A Thousand Words)

The Liberal Party continuing to self-immolate. Malcolm Turnbull laid to rest the nature of Peter Costello’s leadership ambition.
“Peter and I have discussed it and we agreed that what I would say, and the position would be, literally, that he has made it clear that he was not interested in a frontbench or leadership role… That is the phrase, the words that I have given you is what we have agreed. I assume that means at any stage. But you know, these are questions you have to put to him.”
He hastened to add that the latter answer had not been personally approved by Peter.

“The words that I have given you are what we have agreed”. Damn these politicians and their constructions of forms of words that they have given us!

Not only that, but they agreed to “never not unagree that the forms of words they had made would be standing in an appropriacy, for as long-withstanding as the very forms and phrases could hitherto banana”.

Because if there’s one thing Turnbull’s good at, it’s word-speaking. / word-speak-doing.

Well, now we can tell why he’s the leader. He’s the only person who can understand what the hell he’s going on about. / what he’s saying.

When asked whether that meant Costello would never be challenging the leadership, Turnbull said “Actually, I’ve got no idea what he was talking about”.

Malcolm’s now going to run all his speeches past Peter. That way he figures Costello doesn’t need to be leader to have all the control.

Peter and Malcolm agreed to the specific wording with no mention of timeframe. So no wonder Malcolm assumes it means for ever and ever cross my heart. It’s just sensible.

Costello and Turnbull agreed to the specific wording with no specific mention of a specific timeframe. But don’t worry Malcolm, I’m sure he meant to say “never”.

Turnbull admitted he wasn’t sure whether the form of words meant that Costello would be interested in a leadership role in the future. In fact he wasn’t even sure they still applied by that stage of the interview.

It’s a good thing Costello has made his position clear, because Turnbull certainly seems incapable of doing so.

As Turnbull said, Costello has made his position clear. Just not permanent.

That’s right, Costello’s made his position quite clear, and that is that he’s not making his position clear.

Turnbull and Costello agreed on the wording of Costello’s statement, and the rest of us agreed that it didn’t actually tell us anything we didn’t already know.

Turnbull and Costello not only agreed on the wording of the statement, but also that Julie Bishop really did make a terrible shadow treasurer.

After Turnbull’s stumbling answer, Costello took him aside and told him that he had a new wording in case Turnbull was ever asked again, which was “Agg agg agg stop strangling me you hairy ape.” / “Fimble fomble piggle poggle po.” / “I’m a big smelly loser and everybody hates me.” / “Merchant bankers are wankers.”

But what I don’t understand is why Costello isn’t trying to grab the Liberal leadership? It’s almost like he doesn’t want to be in charge of the back-stabbing rabble of hopeless incompetents!

Turnbull’s made a “leadership pact” with Peter Costello. But we all remember what happened last time Costello made a “leadership pact” with the head of the Liberal Party…

Turnbull’s made a “leadership pact” with Costello. It worked for John Howard. / He figures judging by past experience that tends to paralyse him.

Of course the same day that Julie Bishop resigned the shadow treasurer position – entirely of her own free will – Brendan Nelson announced that he’ll be retiring. Nelson looked at Bishop’s humiliating resignation and suddenly realised how much of a goose he must have looked.

Poor Brendan Nelson. We’ll miss his giant forehead. And it’s hard to miss.

The Libs and Turnbull are looking terrible in the polls. Well they’d have to be for Peter Costello to look like the popular alternative.

Turnbull’s proving just as unpopular as Nelson, and Costello isn’t mounting a challenge for fear he’ll look the same. The best chance for the Liberals is to choose a new leader: Rudd.

Influential Liberal figures are afraid that Turnbull has established a personal fiefdom and is acting like a corporate raider in a company merger. And it’ll be even worse when Rudd takes them over.

Turns out being the John Howard Party doesn’t work so well when John Howard has lost his seat.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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