The British Advertising Standards Authority have ordered drinks companies to hire uglier men for alcohol ads targeting women. Although they haven’t asked for uglier women in ads targeting men. “Come on,” said an ASA spokesman, “who’d want to see a fugly bird in a beer ad? That’s just ridiculous.”
“We advise that the man in the picture should be unattractive – ie. overweight, middle-aged, and balding,” said an ASA regulator. “Actually, I’m available if you want to reshoot the ad…”
“We advise that the man in the picture should be unattractive – ie. overweight, middle-aged, and balding,” said an overweight, balding, middle-aged ASA regulator…
Of all the advertisers to target for false advertising by using models, alcohol seems a strange one to pick. Everyone knows guys look more handsome after a few drinks.
It’s alright though – if you’re drunk when you watch the new ads, the guys looks handsome again!
One new campaign suggests that viewers need to drink twice as much, so that the guys on the ad look attractive again.
“You shouldn’t drink alcohol in the hope of sexual success,” said a spokesman. “What you need is ecstasy!”
The unrealistic part is not that the guy is attractive, but that he’s being picked up by a trio of hot chicks for a 4-way supermodel sandwich.
Try telling first year Uni students there’s no link between boozing and sexual success…
To balance the balding boombahs, it has been regulated that the girls now have to have moustaches, flat heads and flabby breasts…
If they really wanted to reflect the real effects of alcohol they’d replace the guy with a vomit-stained taxi.
They’ve reached a compromise – the fat ugly guy is now in the ad, but the girls just ignore him and go for the spunk.
They’re also stopping car advertisers from using speed and comfort to advertise their products, and the Australian Tourist Authority is being banned from using kangaroos and the Sydney Opera House…
The Advertising Standards Authority is now deciding who is attractive and who isn’t. The latest ASA report comes with a photo spread: “Top Ten Spunky Guys… Who You Can’t Use in Your Ads!”
The company responded that the ad was realistic. “After a few drinks, your paunchy, balding, middle-aged loser looks like a studly sex-muffin!”
But no-one’s ugly when you’re pissed; the fat balding guy should be used in an ad for sobriety.
Only the men have to be ugly; the chicks can still be as hot as. “That’s what booze is all about,” said the ASA spokesman. “Getting hot chicks and ugly guys together!”
“Booze is not about sexual success,” said the ASA spokesman. “It’s about drowning out the black horror of living in this miserable hell. Please… kill me.”
In a similar move, movies starring Brad Pitt have to be digitally altered to star Danny Devito instead…
