In Hornsby, fire rescue officers were called to the hospital to help remove 16 steel washers from a man’s penis. Ah, so that’s what washers are for.
He’s obviously desperate for a screw.
He had 16 steel washers removed from his penis. But he asked that they leave the rivets in his nutsack. / leave the scrote-clamps alone. / let him keep the socket wrench up his arse.
Someone’s got to explain to this guy what a cock-ring is.
A spokeswoman for Honsby Hospital said it was unknown how the washers got on the man’s penis. Could have been a car accident, a typhoon, anything really.
He wouldn’t have put the 16th washer on, but he found that after the first 15 he still wasn’t feeling very aroused.
He said he’ll never do it again. Not that he did anything. In fact, nothing ever happened, and there were no steel washers. What steel washers? He doesn’t know what you’re talking about.
It’s a strange way to get aroused. Once the washers are in place, it’s actually really difficult to wank.
He said it wasn’t sexual. It’s just the best way he knows of to scrape clean his car’s exhaust pipe – and if you’ve got a better method, he’d love to hear it.
It’s not a sexual thing. No matter what he might have been hoping for. / He knows that now.
Of course to some people, there’s nothing sexier than vast quantities of genital pain. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.
The washers had been there for 12 hours, were extremely painful and had to be removed with a miniature angle grinder. But the man swears it was worth it for the attention from the nurses.
Wow. And you thought pash-rash was bad.
The washers had to be removed with specialised equipment. FINALLY they get to use it. / Finally they get to use the washer-penis angle grinder. / Good thing – that washer-penis angle grinder was starting to gather dust.
Ah, the specialised cock-washer-grinding machine – and they thought it’d never be used. / and they laughed.
He’d just been to see Iron Man, and wanted to see if he could do it for real – penis first.
He’d heard that girls want a cock like a steel rod. / want a man who’s hard like steel. With a cock made of washers.
‘I just fell in the shower and happened to land, cock-first, on 16 high-tensile steel washers. And then that just happened to land up my mate’s arse. What are the odds, huh?’
The washers had been there for 12 hours by the time he was admitted to hospital. And the gerbil was dead. / And the gerbil up his arse was dead.
Fire officers were called to remove the steel washers – which they did, but only after spending a good half hour squirting him with a hose.
The man explained he doesn’t normally do this kind of thing. The rings usually just come off.
The man explained he doesn’t normally put steel rings on his cock to enhance sexual pleasure. He usually uses rubber ones.
The man explained he doesn’t normally put steel rings on his cock. But you have to if you’re going to fuck a tractor.
I think this man has the wrong idea about screwing in a few pipes. / He said the accident happened when he was trying to screw in some plumbing.
But you want a lot of washers on your cock if you’re going to screw in a huge bolt.
He was going to get that chastity belt off one way or another. / It was just part of an elaborate plan to remove a chastity belt.
They tried to remove the rings while he was conscious, just because he deserved it.
They tried to remove the rings while he was conscious, but it was just too painful. Rest assured they gave it a good hard try though.
As if the story doesn’t sound painful enough, it’s worse when you realise they were removed from a piercing.
He was worried the fire department wouldn’t come to help him with his penile misfortunes, so he set fire to his scrotum.
He was unconscious for an hour while they worked on his trapped penis, went through his wallet and tattooed “I’m a dickhead” on his chest.
