Searches of visitors to Victorian prisoners have turned up some unusual contraband, including nine lamb chops and a kilo of steak, underpants, rice cookers and a spider in a jar. It’s going to be quite a feast in prison tonight!
“I misheard,” said one prisoner’s Mum. “He asked me to try to smuggle in a gun, but I thought he said a rice cooker! It could happen to anyone.”
The lamb chops disappointed the prisoners. “I didn’t ask Mum for nine lamb chops, I asked her to bribe th’ damn cops!”
The lamb chops disappointed the prisoners. “I didn’t ask Mum for nine lamb chops, I asked her for a knife that chops!”
The lamb chops disappointed the prisoners. “I didn’t ask for chops, I asked for Chopper!”
It’s actually all part of an ingenious plan to escape. Prisoners distract the guards with the delicious smell of a barbecue, then attack them with the spider. They then catapult the jar over the wall with a pair of underpants, and then… cook some rice… alright, it still needs work.
“I love this job, confiscating prisoners’ underpants!” said a guard. “From now on, the only things I’m letting get through are guns and drugs.”
They’re using dogs to detect smuggled goods… the chops and steak were actually decoys for guns and amphetamines.
They’re using dogs to detect smuggled goods… as well as the chops and steak they’ve turned up over seven kilos of Schmackos, a box of Scooby Snacks, and a bag of cats.
How do these smugglers do it? I find it hard enough to hide one lamb chop up my arse.
The kilo of steak was hidden inside two kilos of marijuana.
The prisoners were crestfallen to hear of the chop and steak bust. “Now what am I going to do with all this garlic bread? And Bruiser stayed up all night preparing the salad!”
The undies were found baked in a cake. Guards were first alerted to it when they were eating a slice and thought it tasted a bit “crotchy”… / a bit “gussety”.
You need to sneak undies into prison? “We have a very strict ‘no visible panty-line’ policy here.”
Didn’t know undies were banned in prison… they may be locked up, but at least the boys get to swing free.
