The world’s oldest man, Walter Breuning, celebrates his 113th birthday with a party & cake at his retirement home in Montana. Though it could have been an undersea adventure & ox tongue for all he can tell these days.
What do you get a 113 year old? The only thing he really wants is to die.
The world’s second oldest man sent him a birthday present… don’t open it Walter!
He celebrated with a cake, though the concrete candle reinforcements meant that it was no tastier than his usual lunchtime mush.
Walter’s tips for a long life: eating well, keeping active & just one aspirin a day. And the blood of a young boy.
Look at him there, getting a congratulatory handshake from a 10-year-old boy. Or possibly draining his youthful energies, it’s hard to tell from the picture.
He really is remarkable. Not only can he still see and hear, but according to his nurse, he can still shag like a demon. / he can still go all night long.
Believe it or not, he was born in 1896! This was the year that Ford’s first car was still called the “Quadricycle”, X-rays were first discovered, and ‘Hey Hey it’s Saturday’ was still in its third season. / and the internet was on parchment.
He not only lived through the Y2K bug, but the 1900 bug as well. Which was at least an actual bug.
He was one of the few people to say of the turn of the century that it wasn’t as good as the last one.
When he calls you a ‘young whippersnapper’, he really means it. / One of the only people who can call you a ‘young whippersnapper’ when you’re in your eighties.
He’d call you a “whippersnapper”, but that sounds like young person’s talk.
His secret to success is to eat well, keep active, and scatter a few pins in your bed. Always gets you up and at ‘em.
Walter said, “I don’t see any difference between 113 & 10 years ago.” I think what he’s saying is that the last 10 years have been one long stretch of endless tedium. Won’t someone give him the goddamn pillow?
Walter said, “I don’t see any difference between 113 & 10 years ago.” I think once you’re 100, the world is pretty much just muffled blurry blobs and the odd spongebath.
He’s so wrinkly now that when the nurse gives him a spongebath, she tends to lose the sponge.
113! And he barely looks a day over 100.
He so old, he remembers when they first discovered ‘ankles’.
113. That means he’s been lusting after young women for a full century. / There are very few people who can say they’ve been lusting after young women for a full century.
Walter described it as “just another birthday”. Frankly, they all pale compare to the hundredth. / And he’s pretty sick of them.
He’d be happy to give up being the world’s oldest person. When you’re 113, the last thing you want is people constantly reminding you of it.
He’d be happy to give up being the world’s oldest person. If anyone has any ideas how, he’s keen to hear. / Except that the alternative is a tad grim.
So Walter, everyone wishes you a very happy birthday. Except for the world’s second oldest man, who hopes you die as soon as possible.
So, happy birthday Walter Breuning! I said, HAPPY BIRTHDAY WALTER BREUNING! HAPPY BIRTHDAY WALTER ahh, forget it.
