Five 14 and 15 year old girls caused a stir on Cronulla beach when they painted their mobile phone numbers on their backs in zinc cream. That way they could give out their number, but without having guys perve on their breasts. / That way they could give their mobile number out to any guy. Except those they were facing.
But at least the girls are responsible enough to wear zinc cream. They’re slip-slop-slappers.
Because the last thing you want to have to do with a cute guy is talk to them.
For this modern generation, texting numbers to each other is way too slow. They’ve gotta be right there in sunscreen, or not at all.
That way every person on the beach knew they were sluts. / easy sluts.
No point being a skanky piece of jailbait if no-one can contact you.
The girls don’t mind who has their number, so long as it’s someone who’s seen them nearly nude.
It’s a great idea. After all, the best possible time to give a guy your number is when he’s checking out your arse.
It’s a great idea. And you can put your address on your tits! / write your address on your breasts!
Problem is, skimpy bikinis just leave no room for business cards.
Gee, these girls must have high standards.
I don’t know. To me, nothing says “desperate” like writing your own number on your body and lying around semi-naked in public.
Some people might say that writing your own number on your semi-naked body seems a touch desperate. / makes you seem like a dirty skank-ho.
What’s worse is that they’re going to get their numbers tanned onto them. So if they want to change mobile numbers it’s going to take plastic surgery. / very precise use of a tanning bed.
This is perhaps the only known instance of mobile phones preventing cancer.
And there’s nothing hotter than a horribly sunburnt 14-year-old with a greasy number smeared on her back. Maybe that’s just me.
It must be said, it’s not often that opportunities come along for a dirty old man wanting a schoolgirl sixsome.
The girls said it wasn’t trashy. It’s not like they painted their numbers on their tits.
The girls only went for the zinc-creamed backs after wearing their numbers on T-shirts didn’t work so well – apparently the only men who called were creeps.
Child protection agencies have weighed in, saying the stunt was a ridiculous and dangerous thing to do. They could get sunburnt.
It’s all fine until the number gets obscured by a melanoma.
A better way to do it is to cover yourself with sunscreen except for the number. That way you only get sunburnt in a small area – and, if you’re lucky, one day maybe you’ll have your mobile number made up of lots of little melanomas. / made up of one big skincancer. / made up of scars from your melanoma operations.
A better way to do it is to cover yourself with sunscreen except for the number. That way, when skin cancer develops and you get it removed, you’ll have a tumour the shape of your mobile number that you can keep in your handbag. And how cool is that!
The girls have already managed to score a hot date – with Mr Mel Anoma. / with skin cancer.
The stunt could easily attract the wrong sort of people. Like cancer specialists. / Like melanoma surgeons. / Like surgeons specialising in skin cancer.
Most guys said they would’ve been interested, except the numbers spoilt the girls’ all-over tan. / they prefer girls with an all-over tan.
They were lying on Cronulla beach, hoping they could pick up a few of those spunky rioters. What a catch!
There was no danger really. The blokes at Cronulla Beach are real gentlemen. / well known as safe types.
One of them said she didn’t really need to follow up any contact as she already had a boyfriend. And if anyone tried to crack onto her, she might have to give him her number too. / And if anyone tried to crack onto her, she’d give him their number.
Apparently, some creepy old guy came up to them and asked to take their picture. And publish it in a newspaper. / You can see it there in the article.
This article is sure to prevent the girls getting any more attention! Oh yes, and it’ll also ensure there are no copycats!
Bikini-clad underage girls need to watch out they don’t attract attention from perverts with cameras. Especially ones who work for the media.
To help boost sales, the newspaper is now being printed in zinc cream on underage girls.
Nothing boosts newspaper sales more than photos of semi-nude underage girls. Except for outrage about Bill Henson!
The picture of 5 underage girls in their bikinis was printed to stop the girls from getting unwanted attention from perverts. Not to sell more newspapers at all. Certainly not. / This way, the perverts can just wank over the photo in the paper.
At least by publishing these scantily-clad teenagers in the paper they’ll help protect them from perverts and artistic photographers.
The story was published to help protect the girls from unwanted attention. Um – they may have written their numbers on themselves in zinc, but they didn’t publish their photo in a newspaper! / By calling attention to them.
The story was published to help protect the girls from unwanted attention. And Ralph magazine is published to help protect busty lingerie models.
The newspaper has thoughtfully blurred out most of each number, so if you want to stalk any of them, I’m afraid you’re just going to have to go down to the beach and do it in person.
I’m just not sure how this story is very different from the Bill Henson works. Except of course that this isn’t art, it’s cheap sensationalism.
