Glass House

United in Dislike (The Glass House 1/6/05)

The rest of Europe hates the French according to a Daily Telegraph article that doesn’t seem to be online.

A European survey has found that everyone dislikes the French. The British view them as chauvinistic and humourless, the Germans see them as pretentious and frivolous, the Spanish damn them as vain and rude, and the French think of them as intelligent and gorgeous.

A European survey has found the French chauvinistic, humourless, pretentious, frivolous, vain and rude. But really, it’s just that they eat snails. I mean, that’s so gross.

French response to the survey is unknown, as they refused to answer in English.

The survey found that while everyone else hated the French the most, the French hated everyone else equally.

In response, a French spokesman said (French accent) “You can all get fucked.”

Americans dislike the French so much that they’ve just started calling them “the Freedom”…

They are seen as rude, smelly, humourless and obsessed by food and sex. “It is just not true!” said one Frenchman while having sex with a loaf of garlic bread. “Now fuck off.”

They’re obsessed by food and sex. But if they call snails and frogs “food”, I’d hate to see what they’re up to in the bedroom…

The French have struck back, pointing out all the good things they have given us: “What about eating frogs, nuclear testing in the Pacific, mime, Cirque de Soleil… OK, you win.”

Britons surveyed said that they thought the French lacked a sense of humour – but it turned out they were talking about Dawn French.

Members of the Coalition of the Willing are said to dislike the French due to their complete lack of casualties…

I agree, the French are humourless. (awkward pause) Yep. (awkward pause) Sure are.

One group who like the French was the Iraqis – not only appreciating their innovative fashions and their fine foods, but their lack of murdering Iraqi children…

It’s no wonder the French are thought of as smelly – I mean, the most popular French celebrity is Pepe Le Peu…

As a result, the EU is no more; now Europe is split into just France, and the French-Haters’ League.

France had plans to send a delegation of famous loveable Frenchmen around the world to counter the accusations, but all they could come up with was Marceau, Cousteau, Clouseau and the Yoplait guy.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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